The Confidence of Kindergarteners

Yesterday, this little guy from Kindergarten came running full speed into the office to see the school nurse for his "be good" pill. He is one of my favorites because he reminds me of how I imagine my husband as a 5 year old. This kid is always running, talks loudly, and says exactly what he thinks. The only difference is about 50 years.

So, I slowed him down, gave him a hug and reminded him to have a good day. The little guy looks at me with a big smile and announces at the same decibel as a jet plane taking off for flight, "I've had a good day today - ALL DAY!" It was 8:15 a.m. I love his confidence.

No sooner had I quit laughing when one of the Kindergarten teachers stopped me in the hall to tell me about one of her students. She has a child who is Vietnamese. His parents are very supportive - but you wouldn't say they have a great command of the English language. When the teacher called the parents the day before to let them know how their little sunshine had been acting, they assured the teacher that the child was "on punishment."

The next morning, there was a note of apology from the parents and this.


I'm sure they meant to have him swear to be good but something got lost in translation. Still, it speaks of confidence.

But nothing speaks of confidence quite like this Kindergartener's (future ex-wife of someone) writing.



Ahhh... To have that kind of confidence again. Now I've got to check out this classroom. I have no idea what this teacher is teaching in there.

The Eagles Concert as Told Through a Texting Conversation

Me: We R here. Awesome and so much fun! And loud like I like it.

Mr. Strong (from here on out referred to as him): Ok. Take it easy.

Me: R U sayin I'm a witchy woman?

Him: I can't tell you why

Me: Don't act like such a desperado

Him: I'm just the new kid in town and maybe the only one not at the concert

Me: Well at least I don't have lyin eyes

Him: Maybe I will see you one of these nites.

Me: That's how it is living in the fast lane.

Him: Hey. Do you have the credit card? Don't take it to the limit again.

Me: But the lingerie I got gave me a peaceful easy feeling. It will for U 2.

Him: Come home soon! I can show you how love will keep us alive.



It was an amazing concert. Definitely worth only getting 2 1/2 hours of sleep. And a special thanks to Mr. Strong for feeding the kids, taking care of the dog and cleaning the kitchen. And most especially for waiting up for me to get home.

How My Son Temporarily Lost Consciousness

Last night, at the photography class my son and I are taking together, I mentioned that I would be home very late the next night because I'm going to the Eagles concert a few hours away. That was when he made some comment that went something like, "The Eagles? Mom, they're so old."

That was also the moment I accidentally dropped my heavy camera with the gi-normous zoom lens on his head.

Really. It just slipped.

The Track

Before Mr. Strong and I were married, we used to go to "The Track" to walk and talk. Now that we are married, not so much.

The Track is a basic quarter mile track next to a middle school near my home. I have an aversion to treadmills since they usually require moving copious amounts of laundry before using - and I don't do laundry before the sun rises. This must afflict a lot of people as the track is a popular place to walk or run. You should have heard the uproar when they had to close the track for 2 weeks to resurface it.

Because I work primarily with children, there are many, many parents who don't understand that what I do at work is not what I wish to continue to do when I am not at work. And because these said parents wouldn't control their children from hanging out with me in the evening when I would walk and run at the track, I was forced to find a time when no children were present. Hey, I need a break. It's not a crime. And because apparently I'm a glutton for punishment, I finally settled on 4:30 a.m. as the witching hour at the track.

One might think that one would be running alone in the dark at 4:30 a.m. - but one would be wrong. There is a regular motley crew that shows up almost every day. So this tribute is to you, the regulars...

First, there is Grandma R. She is the one who introduces every one to each other. She also makes me realize that my hopes of sleeping in as I get older are probably going to be dashed. Grandma R. is truly an amazing person who loves life and all people. Lucky for me that I met her because now she volunteers at my school 4 days a week in the Severely Impaired Special Education classroom.

Next comes Mr. UPS. He runs and runs and runs. Run, Mr. UPS man, run. And because he looks like he could open up several cans of whoop-ass with his teeth, we all feel safer.

Ah, and then there is Ruby. Really, she is a gem. She is a single mother of 4 kids. Her ex is a physician's assistant (PA) who fell for a little nurse. Ruby must have run off all her frustrations because she seems to be the happiest person out there.

Can't forget Ms. Art History who teaches at the local university. She has a story for everyone. And a memory like an elephant. That must be how she stuck with art history. She can remember all the art work and the artists without looking at the label for reminders.

Also, there is Mr. Middle School Teacher who always walks with his dad. That's nice. I think I'll call my mom and suggest she meet me at the track at 4:30 a.m. tomorrow. I'll let you know how she responds (but I'll leave the expletives out - don't want to ruin her reputation).

And a special thanks to the police department who drive by over and over to keep an eye on us. I used to think they were helping to keep us safe. Now I wonder if they are worried that we are interested in the goods inside the school. Wouldn't it be funny to see how they'd react if we were all running around with a TV or computer in our arms? Yes?

The biggest part of the tribute is saved for the end. Thanks to you, Mr. Weather Man, for letting me know when the temperature dips into the "are you insane, you shouldn't be outside" zone. I admire your accuracy. And I appreciate the 30 extra minutes of sleep.

Happy Tuesday, ya'll!

Now Don't That Beat All

A few years ago, I had a meeting with a parent who wore a t-shirt that said, "PORN - It's cheaper than dating." I kid you not.

Do you know how hard it is to make eye contact with a Dad who would actually wear that shirt to his child's school? Would you be surprised to find out we needed to discuss behavioral issues? No?

Today, we had a meeting with some parents who gave me that same "jaw-dropping" feeling. First, the background info. Bam-bam is a student with diabetes. One day, he tried to run away from the school because we he wanted to go home with his mother. I won't bore you with the details but it ended with Bam-bam tearing up my office and being retrained by a school resource officer and a teacher. Amazingly, the parents were mad with everyone at the school. Looking back, we shouldn't have been amazed. This mother wiped her son's butt until he was in 2nd grade.

Now, when Bam-bam runs away, we report that he is running North on whatever street. Please send for backup. That way the little kid (&*#@) can just tear up the patrol car. I like my office to stay nice and neat.

So, now that you have the visual of the type kid we are dealing with (you do have a visual, right?), let's move on to the meeting we had today. Bam-bam's parents were told that Bam-bam wasn't passing his classes and was in danger of being retained. Apparently, all those low grades from when he refuses to work are having a negative impact on his overall performance.

That was when the dad stood up to announce to me that his son was NOT going to be retained. And his reason was this. When he dropped out of school in the 8th grade, he went to take the GED. And did you know that he scored the highest of anyone in that group taking the GED? And so, therefore, his son did not need to be retained nor did he have to complete all his work to prove to the world that he was smart. And everyone in the sanitation department knew that he was one of the smartest ones in the department.

I may or may not have piddled in my piddle pad. And now I'm looking for a deal in Vegas. I think I have the poker face down now.

I was only kidding

This past weekend, my husband and I had to go to my mother-in-law's to meet with the rest of the family about what we needed to do with her. Apparently, opening the door wearing nothing but underwear is not acceptable in our part of the country.

She can't help it that she gets confused and forgetful. It's just what seems happens to retired teachers.

We went out to eat Saturday night at a nice Italian restaurant. My mother-in-law ordered an eggplant parmigiana. She didn't even eat one bite of it. Just like a kid, she was *full* from drinking soda. She did however order dessert. We grabbed the plate away before she could begin to lick it clean.

This should not have surprised anyone. The woman exists off of bread and cake and candy. She hasn't eaten vegetables her whole life so why start now?

Feeling uncomfortably full from eating chicken saltimborra (or something like that), we headed back to my mother-in-law's house. Soon afterwards, I went to bed only to awake an hour or so later with the worst stomach cramps and nausea.

I stayed in bed for a while trying to will the pain away. My teeth were clenched and my eyes watering. Finally, I got up to go bow to the porcelain goddess. And again. And again.

On Sunday, we finally made it home so I could pass out on the sofa. It took about 6 hours to eat 12 saltine crackers before I was brave enough to eat a cup of vegetable soup.

Throughout this ordeal, I kept reliving a conversation I had with one of my teachers. We had just gotten an email about the salmonella outbreak in peanut butter. She was taking it seriously. Me, not so much. In fact, I said I could never give up peanut butter. A little salmonella poisoning from any food could just be the start of a diet for me.

Such a smart one am I. And seriously, I was kidding.

I'm just talked out

A sampling of just some of my responses today...

"Well, you are right. This really isn't a good time to talk. Did I forget about an appointment? Oh, well, you see, we have a few teachers at a training and I have to be out here at car duty. If you don't mind, could you leave your name and number with the secretary. I'll call you back as soon as I can and set up an appointment. I'm sorry that you don't like the teacher. This really isn't a good place to discuss this. Would you mind if I called you back. Really, I can just look up your phone number. I'm not in a position to decide to move your child from the teacher's class. I'm sorry if you think I'm being rude. I'm just trying to safely get all the kids into the building. Please understand that I will call you back as soon as I have a chance."

"I don't know if we are going to have any furlough days. We'll find out when the governor announces whether or not we are having furlough days. From what I hear, it could be up to four days. Let's be thankful we still have jobs. Don't forget to focus on the positive. Remember, we still have our jobs and our benefits. Aren't you glad you aren't one of teachers laid off like the ones from ___ system? Isn't this math time? Shouldn't you be teaching?"

"Sometimes parents can get arrested. Why do you ask? I've never heard of someone getting arrested because they smoked cigarettes. Yes, I know cigarettes are bad for your lungs. Usually people get arrested when they break a law. Yes, I know your grandmother loves your uncle. And I'm sorry for your cousin. Oh, say that again? Uh.. umm.. I think you should ask your mom about that."

"Why were you crawling on the floor? But the teacher said for you to sit in your chair. Oh, you didn't take your vitamin today? Well, even so, you are responsible for your choices. Yes, I know that your mom says the vitamin helps you be good. Yes, I am going to call your dad. Well, if you were my little boy you'd be in trouble at my house, too. Really? Well, not playing with the Wii for a whole day should remind you to do what the teacher says to do. No, Johnny didn't make you crawl on the floor. Just a minute ago you said you crawled on the floor because you didn't take your vitamin. Yes, I know your mom always believes you. That's why I'm calling your dad."

"Why did you take your friend's purse? Well, just because you wanted to see what was inside something doesn't give you the right to take her purse. No, I don't believe that it was an accident. What can you do to make it right? Well, I don't believe it was the devil making you do something. That was your choice. No, I'm not saying your mom is wrong. I'm just saying that you have choices to make."

"I was just doing a walk through. Relax. I know I haven't walked through so far this month. No, I'm not looking for anything. I've just had a lot of meetings at the school board office. Please, just carry on as if I wasn't here. You are doing fine."

"I understand that you are stressed. What can I do to help? Well, there is nothing I can do if there is a furlough day. Please just don't worry about it. We don't even know if it is going to happen yet. Let's just worry about it if we find out it is happening. Remember that it could be worse. Let's just focus on the kids for today."

"Yes, can I help you? Well, I'm the principal. Yes, really, I am. Thanks for saying I look young. Yes, really, I am the principal. Oh, you want a tour of the school. I'll be more than happy to show you around. Where is your child currently going to school? Oh. So, do you live in our school district and just go to ABC School? No? Well, are you planning to move into our district? Oh, well, I'm sorry but our guidelines state that only students who live in our district can attend this school. I'm sorry you don't like ABC School. Have you talked with the principal there? Yes, you are right, he is older than me. I hope you get the situation worked out."

"Are you okay? Yes, I know. Technology can be a bummer when it doesn't work right. Well, the media specialist can't fix everything right away because she is teaching lessons. You'll just have to wait until she can get to you. No, I don't know how to fix the computer. I'm sorry that it messed up your lesson. Maybe you could just go to Plan B. Oh. Well, I would recommend having a Plan B on hand at all times. Well, I'm sorry you don't roll like that. Let's look on the bright side. I'm sure you could find a bright side if you really tried."

"Oh. I'm sorry you are upset. I'm sure the teacher didn't mean to hurt your feelings. She was just concerned because your son wore shorts and a t-shirt to school without a jacket. You did realize that it was 21 degrees this morning. Yes, I understand letting kids pick out their own clothes. No one is mad at you. We just wanted to be sure that everything is ok. You are right. There is no law against wearing shorts in cold weather."

"So the nurse called you? Hold on, let me find out what is going on. Uhmmm...ummm... it appears that your child was scratching.. uhm... a lot.. in her private area. Well, yes. Children sometimes scratch there. But she is doing it so hard that she made a hole in her pants. And her underwear. We think something could be wrong. Oh, I see. Yes, I remember when my children liked to take bubble baths. Well, we need for you to come get her and take her to the doctor. We will need a doctor's note about what is going on. Well, so that we know everything is ok. We are not in a position to make decisions like that. I'm sorry that you think we are thinking poorly of you. Let's just agree that we are all looking out for your daughter."

Whew! I'm exhausted!