Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Can I make resolutions for my dog?

The most vocal person in our house isn't actually a person but a dog. A seven pound dog. A seven pound dog who poops and pees in the house. We refer to her as "yard broken."

Now part of her "training" ensured that she got treats for going outside. But look at that face. Hell, she was so cute that we learned to just give her treats for breathing.

About 7 months ago, a disc ruptured in Ms Poopy's back. She was paralyzed from the middle of her back down. We did what any responsible parents would do and moved money from the childrens' college accounts to pay the pet neurologist to fix her. We are a family that sticks together.

It was quite the gamble. At best, she'd have a 50-50 chance of ever walking again. We were hoping for at least a 50% chance but we settled on the 50-50 opportunity as that was the best the good doctor would give us.

Low and behold (I've always wanted to say that), Ms Poopy began to walk again. She is an actual miracle! Living right here in our house. Jealous, aren't you?

Maybe we should have paid this miracle worker a larger sum (really, kids - the community college is a great school) so that he could fix her nether regions. By that, I mean her bathroom habits. While she learned to walk again, she didn't really get full (any) control of her elimination faculties. The phrase "Shit happens" really has new meaning to us now. Ms Poopy often leaves us a trail of turds.

But again, look at that face. How could we stay upset with her? We've learned to give treats for crapping on the tile floor and not the carpet.

So, now that there is a new year around the corner, here are the resolutions I propose for you, Ms Poopy.
  • Stop drinking the pee. It makes me feel sick.
  • No more mouth kissing. Your breath smells like piss.
  • When laying the trail of turds, let us know. Nothing is grosser than *finding* your presents.
  • No more sulking when we say enough with the reloading (eating).
  • Stop barking at the airplanes. We've overcome our fear of coach.

There. That should do it for now.

Happy New Year!