Friday, January 29, 2010

Waving the white flag

white flag While I fully recognize there is a full moon out there, I’m not afraid.  After the rollercoaster that has been this past week, there isn’t much more ground to cover.  Besides, I’m a little numb inside.

With my assistant principal out for three days, I’ve run the ship alone.  With so many events crammed into each day, my response to Mr. Strong’s question of what happened today has been a succinct “nothing.”

Actually, there are approximately 42 stories for me to tell you since we last spoke though I’m still grappling with finding a humorous view.  At least a lice outbreak is funny, right? But where is the humor when a parent hurts a child and DFACS removes children from the home.  And I’m not laughing at all at the irate parent who secretly recorded a meeting we had and is now threatening to sue because we are “picking” on her child.  Though I probably should be laughing at the parent who won’t work on sight words with her child but will stop and spend time to write a scathing email to me about the kids not getting outside recess one day when the playground was still super muddy from all the rain.

The good news is that home is sane calm IMG_8402_picnikstill the same.  And Miss Poopy continues to earn her rent by cleaning the dishes.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Warmer weather and hot heads


Maybe it is the weather front which brought in the warmer weather.  Maybe it is a conspiracy.  Maybe it is an issue with alien possession.

Whatever it is, here are a few snippets of conversations from the past couple of days.

To a student: “I’m sorry you were mad at the lunchroom monitor.  That doesn’t give you a reason to raise your fists to your teacher when you got back to class.”  (And no need to keep telling me how much you hate school.  We got the message down pat from the first day you arrived.  I just wish I could help you with all your anger.)

To a parent: “As a matter of fact, you are right.  I do want you to leave.  This meeting is obviously not working to resolve anything so we’ll just see you next week when you can bring your child back to school.” (While meeting with an irate parent who doesn’t see a problem with children showing disrespect to others… and I have no idea where the child learned this behavior…but the child will get to hang with Mama Attitude for a couple of days now.)

To a student: “So, do you like sitting in poopy pants?”  (After the child got mad at his teacher [again!] and announced he was going to crap himself – and he did… which makes me wonder how he can crap at will… and reminds me to be thankful we only have 78 more days with the willful crapper.)

To a parent: “Well, hello to you and Brown Betty!”  (Brown Betty is a brown belt who has magical powers in fixing attitudes.)

To a student: “It is never okay to tell a girl you want to push your pee pee against her butt.”  (Well…. one day it might be okay.  But never in school.  And this conversation is making me uncomfortable.  Why, look!  A bunny!)

To a parent: “I understand the traffic is bad today but please don’t yell at my teachers on duty.  We don’t have any control over the traffic.”  (Um… were you trying to go for Road Rage Poster Parent of the Year?)

Is it Friday yet? 

Monday, January 18, 2010

Lessons learned… so far


As I’ve been training for an upcoming half marathon, I’ve actually started to enjoy my long run days.  I like the feeling of running at a slow comfortable pace without worrying about time.  Plus, I get to see my town in a different way than I do when cruising by in a car. 

Along the way, I’ve learned some important lessons:

  • It doesn’t matter that I look like a complete moron, it is important to pull my short hair back out of my eyes.
  • Getting away from everything has a cathartic feel.  This is my only real alone time.
  • I now have proof that I’m not a witch - and apparently, I’m not all that sweet – as nothing happens to me when it rains.
  • The *seedier* parts of town have really entertaining things on the ground.  How does a magenta, flowery bra end up in the road?  And used condoms?
  • Splashing water from a water bottle scares away most dogs.
  • There are a lot of idiot drivers who apparently got their license from a cereal box out on the road.
  • Despite what most people told me, I do NOT crave salad and other healthy foods while running.  I do; however, think a lot about Doritos, hamburgers, and bread pudding.
  • The shuffle feature on my iPod is awesome and makes it feel completely natural to follow a Smithereens’ song with one by Otis Redding.
  • Stick with a bland breakfast.  No more jalapenos with my eggs on the morning of my long run.  This is an important one.  And I probably need to send an apology to the dude who has the nice yard where I herked a little.

So, there. I really am getting ready for that Princess Marathon at Disney in March.  Now I need some ideas for how to decorate my shirt for the big event.  Any suggestions?

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Love one another

Pain and affliction fill the air

I feel helpless and undeserving

Why should I have these comforts

When others have none?

I’ll give. I’ll pray.

Will you do the same?

Unless you live under a rock, you've heard about the tragedy in Haiti. My heart breaks for the people there. Please consider giving in some way, shape or form. There are many agencies and churches out there who are collecting money and donations. Even my students are bringing in their change for us to donate to the Red Cross. You don't want to be showed up by elementary students, do you?

This is a Sunday 160. The Sunday 160 only uses 160 characters (including spaces). For more information, visit Monkey Man (a creative genius!).

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Harvesting happy thoughts

After much anticipation and worry, the smile governor of Georgia has finally made the announcement.  There will be three more furlough days for educators on top of the three we’ve already had.  And I can count!  Three plus three equals six!  No need to question my credentials.

Still, I’m thankful I have my a job.  And now, I’m officially broke.

We got a new student a couple of weeks ago.  Mr. Smiley is adorable.  And very busy.  And incredibly below grade level.  Yes, you can be below grade level in Kindergarten.  Mr. Smiley smiles all. the. time.  Even whilst crying in the sugar seat in my office after threatening to hit a girl on the butt.

I think I love him.  And the teacher is now calling him my boy.  Should I let my husband know?

Finally, the weather gods remembered that we live in the deep south and slowly thawed the freeze we’ve been under for the past three weeks.  Morning duty will become enjoyable again.  Though I still have my eye on you, Mrs. Pissed at the World.  And you better never try to drive off while kids are still getting out of cars.  Cuz I’m itching to ban you and your crappy attitude from the campus.  Forever. 

And while morning car duty is fun, it doesn’t hold a candle to afternoon car duty.  Buh bye!  Have a great long weekend!  I am so out of here!

Monday, January 11, 2010

The post where stabbing myself in the eye with a sharp stick begins to sound fun

books Way back before I became an administrator, I was a teacher of middle school students with behavior disorders. Yeah. I know. Crazy! What was I thinking? Who knew behavior disordered middle schoolers could be saner than parents? Occasionally a student would bring a book to me pointing out a *bad* word to which I would always give the same simple response.
“Thank you for pointing that out. Obviously, you are not mature enough for this book. I’ll return it to the library for you.”
At that point, the conversation was over. There was no debate. And I never had this conversation twice with the same student.
If only things could be so simple with some parents.
Today, I received a phone call from a parent who wants to have a picture book banned from the school library. The author in question is a well-known and well recognized author who writes about such themes as overcoming hardships and appreciating the differences in people.
Truly, I wanted to default to what I used to say to my obviously more mature former middle school students but I feared another a phone call from the superintendent. I tried to be understanding and just listen. Basically, it all boiled down to this…
The book made her son sad.
Yes, that’s right. There is no nudity or implied sex scenes. There are no profanities. There isn’t even a fight scene.
Dang it. I’m thinking of suggesting Old Yeller as a read aloud for her son’s class.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

160 - Envy

The green-eyed monster

Silently spews his venom

Tears through friendship

Destroys the family tie

Without it, there would be no change

With it, there will be no peace

I tried the 160 character challenge. For more info go see Monkey Man.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

There is this teacher I know…

There is this teacher I know who has two little girls with blonde hair and blue eyes.  She and her husband loved these two little girls and have raised them well.  Still, this teacher knew something was missing.

This teacher and her husband talked with each other and both agreed they wanted to do something to help a child in need.

This teacher dreamed of adopting a little boy with blond hair and blue eyes that would look a lot like her little girls.

One day, a quiet, little girl with brown hair and brown eyes entered her classroom.  This little girl lived in a foster home, as she had most of her life, since her mother had abandoned her.  Although she had dreamed of a blond haired, blue-eyed boy, this teacher fell in love with this needy, little brown haired girl with brown eyes.

This teacher went home that night and talked with her husband.  They both agreed that they’d ask the powers that be if they could adopt this quiet, little girl with brown hair and brown eyes.

This teacher and her husband met with the powers that be and agreed to take parenting classes and to add another bedroom to their house so that they might be considered as possible parents for this brown haired girl with brown eyes.

Time passed.  The classes were taken.  A new bedroom was added.  This brown haired girl with brown eyes was allowed to visit this teacher and her husband.  The little girls with blonde hair and blue eyes loved this little girl with brown hair and brown eyes.  They wanted her to be their little sister.

Finally, just before the holidays, this little girl with brown hair and brown eyes moved into this teacher’s house.  This teacher and her husband waited to hear when the adoption would be finalized for this little girl with brown hair and brown eyes for they loved her very much.

Right after the New Year, a father with brown hair and brown eyes decided he wanted custody of his this little girl with brown hair and brown eyes.  Although this biological father had never raised this little girl with brown hair and brown eyes, he now wanted a chance.

There is this teacher I know who is broken hearted.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

And are we always this charming?


I had a message this morning from an irate parent.

“My son is on his way back from his father, the bastard, who didn’t get him home on time so he won’t be at school today.  Since it isn’t my fault that his father was being a jerk, I am demanding this absence be excused.  And if you don’t excuse it, I will take it over your head because this. is. not. my. fault.  And if you send me another letter about my son’s absences and tardies, I will report you.  DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”

Apparently, since my voice mail didn’t respond to her question, she went ahead and called the superintendent’s office.

Her new letter about her son’s unexcused absence is already in the mail.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Irregardless of your time, can we just take a minute to conversate?

Seriously, I try not to laugh out loud when IMG_8070 parents and teachers use words that aren’t really words. At least not yet. And by not yet, I mean they aren’t currently listed in the God of Dictionaries – the Merriam-Webster (I could be wrong on this one since I’m not super vigilant about attending services).

Relax. I’m not a language slob. Especially since *I*, the hearing impaired one, mispronounces words regularly. I do happen to have mad phonics skills but we aren’t here to discuss those outlaw words that defy the phonics police.

Once when meeting with a parent about their child’s behavior, the father sat up and loudly said, “We’ve done every thing we know to do. We’ve taken things away from her. We’ve spanked her. Why we even grounded her and the groundation didn’t work.”

The groundation.

Personally, I think it is a word that makes good sense. I just wish I saw it in the vocabulary of more parents these days.

**Update - Hilariously, I didn't mean to write slob instead of snob. Nor did I intend to use the wrong verb tense. I blame the Nyquil.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

160 – Swamp Lesson


Spanish moss dangles

From history’s arms

Hidden alligators

With weary wisdom laden eyes

Resurrection ferns

Bring the promise of change

While this world stays the same


I tried the 160 character challenge.  For more info go see Monkey Man.


What fun is it if I have to keep this shirt away from fire?