The post where stabbing myself in the eye with a sharp stick begins to sound fun

Way back before I became an administrator, I was a teacher of middle school students with behavior disorders. Yeah. I know. Crazy! What was I thinking? Who knew behavior disordered middle schoolers could be saner than parents? Occasionally a student would bring a book to me pointing out a *bad* word to which I would always give the same simple response.
“Thank you for pointing that out. Obviously, you are not mature enough for this book. I’ll return it to the library for you.”
At that point, the conversation was over. There was no debate. And I never had this conversation twice with the same student.
If only things could be so simple with some parents.
Today, I received a phone call from a parent who wants to have a picture book banned from the school library. The author in question is a well-known and well recognized author who writes about such themes as overcoming hardships and appreciating the differences in people.
Truly, I wanted to default to what I used to say to my obviously more mature former middle school students but I feared another a phone call from the superintendent. I tried to be understanding and just listen. Basically, it all boiled down to this…
The book made her son sad.
Yes, that’s right. There is no nudity or implied sex scenes. There are no profanities. There isn’t even a fight scene.
Dang it. I’m thinking of suggesting Old Yeller as a read aloud for her son’s class.

160 - Envy

The green-eyed monster

Silently spews his venom

Tears through friendship

Destroys the family tie

Without it, there would be no change

With it, there will be no peace

I tried the 160 character challenge. For more info go see Monkey Man.

There is this teacher I know…

There is this teacher I know who has two little girls with blonde hair and blue eyes.  She and her husband loved these two little girls and have raised them well.  Still, this teacher knew something was missing.

This teacher and her husband talked with each other and both agreed they wanted to do something to help a child in need.

This teacher dreamed of adopting a little boy with blond hair and blue eyes that would look a lot like her little girls.

One day, a quiet, little girl with brown hair and brown eyes entered her classroom.  This little girl lived in a foster home, as she had most of her life, since her mother had abandoned her.  Although she had dreamed of a blond haired, blue-eyed boy, this teacher fell in love with this needy, little brown haired girl with brown eyes.

This teacher went home that night and talked with her husband.  They both agreed that they’d ask the powers that be if they could adopt this quiet, little girl with brown hair and brown eyes.

This teacher and her husband met with the powers that be and agreed to take parenting classes and to add another bedroom to their house so that they might be considered as possible parents for this brown haired girl with brown eyes.

Time passed.  The classes were taken.  A new bedroom was added.  This brown haired girl with brown eyes was allowed to visit this teacher and her husband.  The little girls with blonde hair and blue eyes loved this little girl with brown hair and brown eyes.  They wanted her to be their little sister.

Finally, just before the holidays, this little girl with brown hair and brown eyes moved into this teacher’s house.  This teacher and her husband waited to hear when the adoption would be finalized for this little girl with brown hair and brown eyes for they loved her very much.

Right after the New Year, a father with brown hair and brown eyes decided he wanted custody of his this little girl with brown hair and brown eyes.  Although this biological father had never raised this little girl with brown hair and brown eyes, he now wanted a chance.

There is this teacher I know who is broken hearted.

And are we always this charming?

I had a message this morning from an irate parent.

“My son is on his way back from his father, the bastard, who didn’t get him home on time so he won’t be at school today.  Since it isn’t my fault that his father was being a jerk, I am demanding this absence be excused.  And if you don’t excuse it, I will take it over your head because this. is. not. my. fault.  And if you send me another letter about my son’s absences and tardies, I will report you.  DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”

Apparently, since my voice mail didn’t respond to her question, she went ahead and called the superintendent’s office.

Her new letter about her son’s unexcused absence is already in the mail.

Irregardless of your time, can we just take a minute to conversate?

Seriously, I try not to laugh out loud when parents and teachers use words that aren’t really words. At least not yet. And by not yet, I mean they aren’t currently listed in the God of Dictionaries – the Merriam-Webster (I could be wrong on this one since I’m not super vigilant about attending services).

Relax. I’m not a language slob. Especially since *I*, the hearing impaired one, mispronounces words regularly. I do happen to have mad phonics skills but we aren’t here to discuss those outlaw words that defy the phonics police.

Once when meeting with a parent about their child’s behavior, the father sat up and loudly said, “We’ve done every thing we know to do. We’ve taken things away from her. We’ve spanked her. Why we even grounded her and the groundation didn’t work.”

The groundation.

Personally, I think it is a word that makes good sense. I just wish I saw it in the vocabulary of more parents these days.

**Update - Hilariously, I didn't mean to write slob instead of snob. Nor did I intend to use the wrong verb tense. I blame the Nyquil.

160 – Swamp Lesson

Spanish moss dangles

From history’s arms

Hidden alligators

With weary wisdom laden eyes

Resurrection ferns

Bring the promise of change

While this world stays the same

 

I tried the 160 character challenge.  For more info go see Monkey Man.

D'oh

What fun is it if I have to keep this shirt away from fire?