Trying to be like Honest Abe and Sojourner Truth

Because ain't I an honest person?

So after telling you lies (sweet little lies), it is time to tell the truth.

You all had excellent guesses! The scary part is some of you know me so well which has caused me to lose sleep in the relentless search for hidden cameras in the house!

Now, for the moment you've all been waiting for! (drum roll, please)

1) One time, I pretended to have a finger print kit in an attempt to get a child to confess to his crime. This is TRUE! Actually, we have used this tactic a couple of times and it entertains the heck out of us. The kit is really an old waffle iron in a black case that has been renamed the Mass Spectrum Analyzer. Seriously, it has a label and all. We've even stored a magnifying glass with a black light in the kit. I wish I could show you the deer in the headlights looks we get when we pull this baby out of the closet! It is amazing how seriously the kids take it when you throw around words like epithelials and modus operandi.

2) When a child brought dog crap to school as a prank, I had the student write a report about various kinds of canines as his consequence. This is a LIE! The truth is probably worse but in my defense, I totally had the backing of the parent. The truth is that when the child was caught trying to open a container of crap in the classroom, he had to write about the digestive system WHILE ENJOYING THE FRAGRANCE OF THE DOG SHIT. We set a special seat for the student away from everyone else because we really didn't want to have to suffer the odoriferous issues. That kid's prank totally backfired on him.

3) When I was caught skipping school as a teenager, my mother made me ride the bus for 2 weeks as my punishment. This is a LIE! When I was caught skipping school one day, my mother was indeed angry with me. She was mostly angry because I didn't invite her to go shopping with me. After being subjected to the longest lecture ever talking with her, we planned a sick shopping day for the following month. Wasn't she the coolest mother ever? Well, except for Jane because this is one mother who knows about oregano! Besides, the bus didn't even stop in our neighborhood because we were less than a mile from school and they expected us to walk our fat arses to the school house and back every day.

I don't know about you but I feel a lot better now that I've gotten that off my chest. Have a great weekend!