Do you know Lucifer? He works at my gym.

In an effort to get in better shape, I lost my freaking mind and signed the husband and I up to meet with a trainer once a week.

As it looks now, I have a standing date with Satan the trainer every Tuesday evening. Tuesdays with Lucifer.

This past Tuesday, we worked on upper body issues strength. The end result has been ridiculous. I can't even get food into my pie hole. Getting dressed is an exercise in torture. I'm considering sleeping in my contacts and skipping the dental hygiene.

In fact, my husband has a new life goal. Get strong enough to kick Lucifer's ass.

Today, at school, I was sitting in the Opportunity Room (you know, the room where you have the opportunity to straighten up and make better choices) with Mr. I Will Pee Pee in My Pants on Purpose when suddenly the child ran to the school intercom phone on the wall.

Mr. I Will Pee Pee in My Pants on Purpose (as he hastily grabbed the phone): "Hello... Hello... Oppicer." What the heck?! He is calling an officer on me?!

Me (sorely, getting up): "Put the phone down. It is time to calm down and get our work completed." I really did sound that calm. In my mind, I was thinking, "You tried to call the cops?! You little *#@%!"

Mr. I Will Pee Pee in My Pants on Purpose (beginning to freak out, then slams the phone up against his head): "Ow! Ow! My ear! You hit my ear! I'm going to tell my momma!"

Isn't that some crap?! I wasn't even touching Mr. Stinky Pants the kid. Never mind the fact that I can't even lift my freaking arms.

I probably should send Lucifer a thank you note for causing me so much pain because while I was on the verge of getting really irritated with that kid, I ended up just laughing. My inability to move provided me with the comic relief to just laugh and laugh. I'm pretty sure I scared that kid into acting right and flying straight. Crazy people can have that affect on people.

Now, how about some pain pills. Anyone willing to share?