Friday, May 15, 2009

Trying to be like Honest Abe and Sojourner Truth

Because ain't I an honest person?

So after telling you lies (sweet little lies), it is time to tell the truth.

You all had excellent guesses! The scary part is some of you know me so well which has caused me to lose sleep in the relentless search for hidden cameras in the house!

Now, for the moment you've all been waiting for! (drum roll, please)

1) One time, I pretended to have a finger print kit in an attempt to get a child to confess to his crime. This is TRUE! Actually, we have used this tactic a couple of times and it entertains the heck out of us. The kit is really an old waffle iron in a black case that has been renamed the Mass Spectrum Analyzer. Seriously, it has a label and all. We've even stored a magnifying glass with a black light in the kit. I wish I could show you the deer in the headlights looks we get when we pull this baby out of the closet! It is amazing how seriously the kids take it when you throw around words like epithelials and modus operandi.

2) When a child brought dog crap to school as a prank, I had the student write a report about various kinds of canines as his consequence. This is a LIE! The truth is probably worse but in my defense, I totally had the backing of the parent. The truth is that when the child was caught trying to open a container of crap in the classroom, he had to write about the digestive system WHILE ENJOYING THE FRAGRANCE OF THE DOG SHIT. We set a special seat for the student away from everyone else because we really didn't want to have to suffer the odoriferous issues. That kid's prank totally backfired on him.

3) When I was caught skipping school as a teenager, my mother made me ride the bus for 2 weeks as my punishment. This is a LIE! When I was caught skipping school one day, my mother was indeed angry with me. She was mostly angry because I didn't invite her to go shopping with me. After being subjected to the longest lecture ever talking with her, we planned a sick shopping day for the following month. Wasn't she the coolest mother ever? Well, except for Jane because this is one mother who knows about oregano! Besides, the bus didn't even stop in our neighborhood because we were less than a mile from school and they expected us to walk our fat arses to the school house and back every day.

I don't know about you but I feel a lot better now that I've gotten that off my chest. Have a great weekend!

31 comments:

lakeviewer said...

O.k. We all tried to pry the truth anyway we could,still within legal limits. We had ligthts around campus that looked like cameras, and never told them the contraptions were fake. Once, after an incident in the halls, I sent word that the culprits would be given lesser punishments if they turned themselves in. It worked.

darsden said...

LOL chit I was wrong or poop I was wrong!

darsden said...

Sorry YOU have a great weekend too. :-)

H.K. said...

I love the fingerprint kit, what an innovative way to get kids to confess their crimes to their parents, I wish I knew about when my son was younger!

Jan said...

HA! I was right.

I love the idea of the fingerprint kit.

Kristina P. said...

Ack! I somehow missed the original post yesterday. I sort of want a fingerprint kit now.

only a movie said...

I love it. Love love love anything that puts the fear into kids so later on in life, they do the right things.

You're awesome!

Midwest Mommy said...

I think I got it right? I have to go check, lol.

Beth said...

lakeviewer - I've totally used that camera trick, too! That and I've convinced many, many kids that I have a direct line to the North Pole. I'll use any innovative idea I can find or come up with to get kids to act right and fly straight.

darsden - At least you aren't having to smell the fragrance!

H.K. - I wish I had had a finger printing kit when I was teaching. It is an idea that has evolved.

Jan - You KNOW me so well!

Kristina - Can you get your hands on an old waffle iron? If so, then there is your kit!

Erin - It can be so challenging getting kids to own their mistakes. Especially when parents tell us that their kids don't lie. I don't think bad of kids for making mistakes. Mistakes are just part of life. But I do expect kids and grown ups to learn from their mistakes and they can't do that if they won't admit their errors.

Midwest Mommy - You did get it right! I was impressed.

otin said...

WTF do I know? LOL!

Kulio said...

No WAY! How amazingly creative of you!!! I'm laughing here. I'll bet my ten year old would fall for it.

Nice!

anymommy said...

That fingerprint kit trick is hilarious. Would that work on my kids at home?

Michel said...

I'm totally going to go demand a finger print kit now!!!

I honestly didn't see that coming! hahaa

followthatdog said...

I knew it. You are a diabolical genius.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I knew it! Again, I think you're brilliant!

remember moments said...

left you an award, but I now see that you already have agazillion, so don't feel obligated to 'play along' if you don't want to. :)

dizzblnd said...

Damn I'm good! I shall take down my hidden camera now. You're mom sounds like a lot of fun!

Fragrant Liar said...

Right again! I ro-o-o-ock! What a great way to get kids to fess up. There IS another way too, at least for pre-K kids. Bwah-ah-ah.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

That was fun, even though I did not guess.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I mean guess correctly ; -)

Candice said...

My parents use to tell me that my tongue would turn purple if I lied.

Needless to say I never opened my mouth as a child.

They called me "mute" for a reason.

Gaston Studio said...

I didn't get it right :( but I love that you did use a fingerprint kit to scare the bejesus out of the kid and that your mom wanted to go shopping with you guys!

Dee-Zigns Handcrafted Jewelry said...

I knew it! That was such a cool idea and perfect for principals and school teachers, yes?
Beth, trust me, Jane (my mom) was not COOL when she caught ME skipping school, oh no, not at all cool. Pissed off is more like it!
I like what ya'll did in #2 and good for that mom to be behind you.
We need to get together for a glass of Georgia Peach, don't know what it is, but it sounds de-lish!

Phat Mama said...

I would be the Mama ticked off because her kids skipped and didn't invite her to go to the beach/mall/party.

Funny Girl Goes Blog said...

I just found your blog..and I love it. I will visit often as I have you on my Best Blogs list. Oh! I used to ditch all the time when I was in high-school. But I never ever got suspended or detention. I just ditched.

mo.stoneskin said...

Sadly I missed the post before, but I love (1) and you really should have done (2). Actually I could list a few more things you should have done along with (2)...

Pearl said...

It's good to come clean. I'm glad you got that off your chest.
:-D
Pearl

Jason said...

How did you find money in the budget for the waffle iron? LOL

You could get your husband to visit as Santa.

bernthis said...

I believe I got it wrong. Damn. I LOVE being right

carma said...

that fingerprint idea is brilliant!! must.try.sometime :D

Hit 40 said...

Your mom sounds outstanding!!! I hope I keep her sense of humor with my boys.