UNSPEAKABLE OUTRAGE

Last week, a particular mother called me to complain about an UNSPEAKABLE OUTRAGE. But let us take a moment to frame up this particular mother. She is beautiful, intelligent, a single mother of one child, and the only parent who has ever called me a "Mother F-ing Biotch" to my face (I do realize others could have called me that from the privacy of their home or office). Lets just sum it up by saying she is charming

Back to the conversation from last week.

Furious Mother (I swear you could hear her huffing and puffing into the phone. Thankfully, our building IS made of bricks.): "I understand my daughter's father checked her out of school yesterday."

Me: "I can check on that for you. Is there a problem?"

Furious Mother (almost screaming): "Her father IS NOT ALLOWED to check her out. This is an UNSPEAKABLE OUTRAGE!"

Me (super confused as the mother just brought the dad with her to a parent conference a couple of weeks ago): "Are there any legal documents stating..."

Furious Mother (cutting me off): "I don't need the law to tell me who can pick up my daughter. I AM HER MOTHER!" (Yes! And he is her father! Your point?)

Me (realizing now where the daughter gets her rage issues): "Ma'am. Legally we can not deny a parent their child unless there is a legal document that states so..."

Furious Mother (again, cutting me off): "Well, I have a restraining order against him. Shouldn't that have kept him from checking her out?"

Me (furiously motioning for one of the school secretaries to pull the child's permanent record): "Yes. That would likely help. Do we have a copy of that restraining order?" (And how the heck IS there a restraining order if you just brought him to a meeting? Doesn't she realize we aren't allowed to use crystal balls in elementary schools?)

Furious Mother (still peeved): I just think I should have been notified. He has no rights to her."

Me (trying to be understanding because apparently it just scared her and I've been a single mom before): "I understand. There are a lot of kids from divorced parents and we simply have to have legal documentation when there are custody issues. Otherwise, parents could make a lot of requests to deny a parent access to their child that may not be legal."

Furious Mother (sounding like she is calming down): "Well, I never knew that. How am I supposed to know?"

Me: "Oh. Well, that information is in the student handbook you got at the beginning of the school year."

Furious Mother: "Well, I don't read that stuff. By the way, my daughter's dad will be picking her up today. Can you let her know?"

I couldn't make this crap up. I swear!