Wednesday, April 1, 2009

UNSPEAKABLE OUTRAGE

Last week, a particular mother called me to complain about an UNSPEAKABLE OUTRAGE. But let us take a moment to frame up this particular mother. She is beautiful, intelligent, a single mother of one child, and the only parent who has ever called me a "Mother F-ing Biotch" to my face (I do realize others could have called me that from the privacy of their home or office). Lets just sum it up by saying she is charming

Back to the conversation from last week.

Furious Mother (I swear you could hear her huffing and puffing into the phone. Thankfully, our building IS made of bricks.): "I understand my daughter's father checked her out of school yesterday."

Me: "I can check on that for you. Is there a problem?"

Furious Mother (almost screaming): "Her father IS NOT ALLOWED to check her out. This is an UNSPEAKABLE OUTRAGE!"

Me (super confused as the mother just brought the dad with her to a parent conference a couple of weeks ago): "Are there any legal documents stating..."

Furious Mother (cutting me off): "I don't need the law to tell me who can pick up my daughter. I AM HER MOTHER!" (Yes! And he is her father! Your point?)

Me (realizing now where the daughter gets her rage issues): "Ma'am. Legally we can not deny a parent their child unless there is a legal document that states so..."

Furious Mother (again, cutting me off): "Well, I have a restraining order against him. Shouldn't that have kept him from checking her out?"

Me (furiously motioning for one of the school secretaries to pull the child's permanent record): "Yes. That would likely help. Do we have a copy of that restraining order?" (And how the heck IS there a restraining order if you just brought him to a meeting? Doesn't she realize we aren't allowed to use crystal balls in elementary schools?)

Furious Mother (still peeved): I just think I should have been notified. He has no rights to her."

Me (trying to be understanding because apparently it just scared her and I've been a single mom before): "I understand. There are a lot of kids from divorced parents and we simply have to have legal documentation when there are custody issues. Otherwise, parents could make a lot of requests to deny a parent access to their child that may not be legal."

Furious Mother (sounding like she is calming down): "Well, I never knew that. How am I supposed to know?"

Me: "Oh. Well, that information is in the student handbook you got at the beginning of the school year."

Furious Mother: "Well, I don't read that stuff. By the way, my daughter's dad will be picking her up today. Can you let her know?"

I couldn't make this crap up. I swear!

33 comments:

only a movie said...

Ha. I've had this conversation. We have a student info card that says under no circumstances are we to even call the kid's dad, or let him get picked up, etc...

...Last week, mom came to school to meet with us during a semi-crisis situation w/ the kid ...with dad in tow.

I also remember the unspeakable outrage my ex spewed to me because he was asked for photo i.d. at my son's pre-school (since he saw the kid only a few times per year...). Ha.

You are a saint in a principal's outfit.

Deb said...

i really don't know how you do it...

Leslie Hanna said...

I do not want your job.

Anonymous said...

I live for these stories ,Beth's daily encounters are my humor.It is like being a kid again and waiting for the new superman comic to arrive.
Mr Strong

Gaston Studio said...

WHAT!?!?

If her daughter's dad is picking her up "this afternoon" why the hell did you call you screaming her head off about picking her up yesterday? Is Furious Mother for real or does she do this bounce back and forth on a regular basis?

That poor child! Poor you! Poor teacher... and anyone else who has to come into contact with Furious Mother!

Candice said...

Bipolar much?

Nancy McCarroll - Arts, Crafts and Favorites said...

My blood boils over this. You handled this like a saint. Are you up for some award? I'd give it to ya.

Michele said...

OMG...I don't know how you deal with these nut cases day in and day out. You are a saint! I'm glad I was a pretty calm parent when my kids were in school...or at least I think I was!

Hope today is better!

Hugz,
Michele

Jan said...

*Opening little black book*

Yup...Good Argument #473 for Enforced Eugenics...

bernthis said...

I'm a single mom with one kid and there was a good period of time, it killed me to know he was picking her up but even I knew that without any court docs saying he could not, I had to grin and bear it. This one sounds like a nut job sorry, but she does. and wow! I'm sorry but I don't know how you held your tongue and stayed so patient.

HeatherPride said...

Candice's comment up there really sums it up. I love kids, hate their parents. You deserve a medal for putting up with this kind of crap.

Michel said...

OMFG....foreigners aren't this difficult to navigate!!

Clearly, there should have been a sign...

Michel said...

Unspeakable outrage--I'm TOTALLY going to use that -- next time I have to wait in any sort of line!!

Kristina P. said...

Hahahahahahaha!!!

lizspin said...

I believe it!

Do these people have brains anymore????

Anonymous said...

MFB, huh. That's quite a "go to" phrase. It was vigorously expleted by the mother of an eighth-grade student, when I called home to set up some after school time (usually a great rapport builder)for the young lady. She "owed" me some time due to classroom distractions involving SWEARING.

For a few years at my school, until everyone needed to diet, whenever a teacher was called some colorful freaking name, that person would bring in brownies for the staff the next day. Haha. MFB=Make Fudge Brownies. Mm, brownies. Think I'll go make some in your honor right now. :o)

Wilde said...

Mmm, good. Brownies.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

I'm so glad you left a comment for me so I could find your blog!!

I love it!!

Hallie :)

Jason, as himself said...

You have GOT to be kidding me. What a nut job. And this is why I am still in the classroom.

Threeboys1mommy said...

Wowsers Beth, I love the I didn't read those rules so they don't apply to me mentality, it's my favorite excuse.

Yeah, I'm Still Here... said...

I am so glad I don't have your job! I'm not sure I could bite my tongue hard enough! And to have to put up with that day in and day out? That's just wrong! Wow, you go girl!

Vodka Mom said...

Now THAT was damn funny.

Brenda Susan said...

Crazy!

Comedy Goddess said...

No way!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Your patience and professionism is awesome. Isn't there a tiny part of you that is dying to talk straight and fuck with them?

Beth said...

Pseudo - You have no idea! In fact, it is how I came up with the name for this blog. One day, I'll write a book about what I should have said to these parents. This particular parent will get an entire chapter.

Deb said...

My goodness! I can't imagine the stupidity.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I know you're in Ga and I'm in Fl but I swear this woman is a patient in my office. I've had a similar conversation with her.

tera said...

I work for 911 and we get calls regarding these people all the fricken' time. It's unreal that there are that many people like that out there - and they are spawning!
I know that I take 80% of my calls from the same 10% of the public, but it seems the other way around some days...

anymommy said...

You really couldn't. Fact is far stranger than fiction. I don't know how you do it either, but I'm so glad you share because it's pretty freaking funny when you write about it.

The Nice One said...

Oh. My. Oh. My.

darsden said...

this is hilarious no absolutely no way that can be made up and I have had a few people like that go off on me... great writing about it I enjoyed it LOL.

Sprite's Keeper said...

Oh, my heavens. Your patience must be one of your biggest virtues! I don't think I have that much restraint.