Friday, April 17, 2009

Ladies, Please Warn Your Husbands (or Boyfriends)!

Today, Mrs. Wears PJs to School went to her daughter's classroom before checking her out of school. While there, this is the conversation that ensued.

Mrs. Wears PJs to School (with a thick, thick southern accent): "I only have seventy-five cents on me and I'm not sure that I have enough gas to get me home."

Mrs. Sweet Kindergarten Teacher: "Well, I'll give you some money. Here. I have $6 on me." (Note to self: $6! It is just past the middle of the month. Mrs. Sweet Kindergarten Teacher must be married to someone with money if she still has $6 to her name.)

Mrs. Wears PJs to School: "Aww. Thanks. I think I only need $2. I'll pay you back when I can. Well, I guess you heard about my husband."

Mrs. Sweet Kindergarten Teacher: "I didn't hear about your husband. Is he okay?"

Mrs. Wears PJs to School: "Well, no. He has a penile fracture." (What the hell!? How do you fracture the penis? Wait. Don't answer that question.) {She pronounced penile "peee-niiiile." Try it out for the effect.}

Mrs. Sweet Kindergarten Teacher (suddenly blushing and becoming very interested in her clipboard): "Oh. That must be hard." (I swear. Of all the things to come out of her mouth.)

Mrs. Wears PJs to School: "Yup! He hit it on my pelvis bone. You should tell your husband about this. My husband says it really hurts." (Ewwww! I did NOT need the visual. This is not a ummmm... good looking woman.)

Mrs. Sweet Kindergarten Teacher (trying desperately to disappear): "I hope everything is okay. Here is your daughter's backpack."

Mrs. Wears PJs to School: "You know, my husband is going to be soooo embarrassed. He hates when I borrow money from any body." (OMG! So is that what embarrasses him? And does he know you have verbal diarrhea?)


That, ladies and gentlemen, just may be the story of the year!

35 comments:

Candice said...

I wonder what the treatment is for a fractured penis?

Maybe they put it in a cock up splint??

I'll be here all day....

*crickets*

Kulio said...

oh
my
goodness

:-)
speechless

Mrs. K said...

i think a bruised ego may be what kills him.

no?

Hit 40 said...

It took me a minute to realize that you were talking to an adult. I had to read it a second time.

I had a parent this year roll into a conference with stained sweats, hair sticking up on one side from just getting out of bed, and plaque covered teeth.

I wonder if this woman even knew what she was saying?

You need to learn to say - I wish I had some cash today. Sorry.

I think you just bought her a little meth.

Michel said...

OMG OMG OMG...WHO SAYS THAT!? Although, I gotta tell you, I would LOVE to walk around town in my pjs.... I'd totally do it too if I didn't think you guys would all judge me!

Dee-Zigns Handcrafted Jewelry said...

She's truly whacked! Poor sweet kindergarten school.

dizzblnd said...

That is hilarious! Why would anyone want to share anything like that with anybody? You're right.. story of the year I wonder if vodkamom can beat this one?

Comedy Goddess said...

Considering how even a little cold turns men into babies, I can't even begin to imagine the scene at their house!

How does one fracture something if there are no bones?

But you know he will probably make himself sound like a super stud when he tells the guys how it happened.

Icky.

only a movie said...

Fanfreakingtastic story.
Oh my goodness. Thanks for sharing! With stories like this, why would we want to do anything else for a job....?

followthatdog said...

Holy crap, yeah. the money. that's what's going to be embarrassing about this situation for the husband. Ha.

Brenda Susan said...

Ha ha! Hilarious!

smiles4u said...

How in the hell did this teacher keep a straight face? Dear lord, this is too funny. I will have to share this with my husband.

tera said...

Ummmm.... I can totally see that as one of my 911 callers..."Yah, it's not really an emergency, but uh, my husband broke his penis."
Oh yah, you know I'd be playing that one out loud for the room!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Just think if Vodka Mom was her child's kindergarten teacher... less blushing and perhaps some inuendo.

Gaston Studio said...

"Oh, that must be hard." Not anymore!

Great story, got to put this one at the top of your list for later memoirs.

bernthis said...

oh God no. Say it isn't so. Can we all sign his cast? they are going to put a cast on it aren't they?

As far as your new divorcee, I'm sorry you guys live so far away. Damn.

Jason, as himself said...

Fantastic!

I have never had this type of fracture happen to me, but I, um, can see how it could happen if things get too, uh, rigorous.

But I wouldn't share it with the kindergarten teacher. If you were my principal, though, I might share it with you. Seems like you enjoy a good penile facture story.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

I wonder if they cast it??

Hallie :)

Musings of the Mrs. said...

I rarely actually laugh out loud at the computer. But this did it. Now I have to tell my husband not to go fracturing his penile region.

Whitney said...

Never a dull day in the classroom! This is great...disgusting...but great!

Elizabeth said...

Is this file under TOO MUCH INFORMATION?!!!!!
Very funny anyway.......

Patresa Hartman said...

oh no. horrifying. HORRIFYING!

(how do you treat a penile fracture, i would like to know.)

WA said...

Oh my God. This is hilarious.
My school is so boring. Dammit.

amy said...

oh my. oh my goodness. goodness, oh my.

this story makes me wish we had parents in pj's at school. i mean, i've seen parents in hooker outfits and parents in jeans that are 3 sizes too small outfits, but no pj's. and no penile fractures, as far as i know.

....did she have teeth? i went out to dinner on saturday with my friend robin, who once worked at a daycare with a woman who sounded a lot like ms. wears pj's to school. except this daycare teacher wore wal-mart sweatsuit stained with...we're not sure. and she didn't have teeth.

but they may be related. (i have a theory that all the angry, crazy parents are related, and all the missing teeth/not mentally all there parents are related, and so on and so forth) (also, part of this theory is that it's a giant government military experiment--they're all transplants, meant to test teachers, see how far to the brink they can take us).

amy said...

ooh, and also: i like your new layout, ms. beth! it's fresh, and clean. just like spring! :-)

Deb said...

Penile. You said penile. Penile fracture...heee heee!!!

Unbelievable!! Love it.

Fragrant Liar said...

OMG, that's crazy. Hard to believe she wouldn't be embarrassed about taking the money, but especially about just spitting it out about hubby's fracture. How would you have known about it, BTW? Did she expect the kid to tell you? My Dad's penis broke? Sheesh!

♥ Braja said...

Goddammit...hilarious :)))
xxx

Michele said...

OMG...what a riot! She's a trip...and in PJ's yet!

Hugz,
Michele

Jan said...

Unfortunately, I can hear her say "peeeee-niiiiile" because I'm from the South.

I'm working on speaking normally. Really, I am.

beth said...

haha! too funny (and yet, very gross at the same time). thanks for stopping by my blog. i, of course, had to reciprocate and love it here! can't wait to read more!

H.K. said...

That is the most awkward conversation of the year! Gotta love those penile dysfunction stories!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

"That must be really hard." ROFLMAO!

Shangrila said...

OMFG, that is the best...story...EVER!!! Maybe you should make a new school rule like, "No pajamas allowed." You could always say it's for the students (of course!) but that you ask that all adults follow the rule to set a good example! Or you could just stare at her pointedly, lol! Your poor kindergarten teacher! She must be a sweetheart not to have laughed in that woman's face. Also, what IS it with the parents of your students shaking your staff down for cash?! Didn't The Bookfair Tantrumer's mom do the same thing? Crazy!

Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and always leaving such nice comments! I love to "hear from" you! (Christ, now I'm going to be thinking the word "peeee-niiiile" for the rest of the day! Thanks a lot!) :p

nikkicrumpet said...

I think this is the very first time ever I am unable to even think of a comment....what do you say to that?