Monday, January 26, 2009

I was only kidding

This past weekend, my husband and I had to go to my mother-in-law's to meet with the rest of the family about what we needed to do with her. Apparently, opening the door wearing nothing but underwear is not acceptable in our part of the country.

She can't help it that she gets confused and forgetful. It's just what seems happens to retired teachers.

We went out to eat Saturday night at a nice Italian restaurant. My mother-in-law ordered an eggplant parmigiana. She didn't even eat one bite of it. Just like a kid, she was *full* from drinking soda. She did however order dessert. We grabbed the plate away before she could begin to lick it clean.

This should not have surprised anyone. The woman exists off of bread and cake and candy. She hasn't eaten vegetables her whole life so why start now?

Feeling uncomfortably full from eating chicken saltimborra (or something like that), we headed back to my mother-in-law's house. Soon afterwards, I went to bed only to awake an hour or so later with the worst stomach cramps and nausea.

I stayed in bed for a while trying to will the pain away. My teeth were clenched and my eyes watering. Finally, I got up to go bow to the porcelain goddess. And again. And again.

On Sunday, we finally made it home so I could pass out on the sofa. It took about 6 hours to eat 12 saltine crackers before I was brave enough to eat a cup of vegetable soup.

Throughout this ordeal, I kept reliving a conversation I had with one of my teachers. We had just gotten an email about the salmonella outbreak in peanut butter. She was taking it seriously. Me, not so much. In fact, I said I could never give up peanut butter. A little salmonella poisoning from any food could just be the start of a diet for me.

Such a smart one am I. And seriously, I was kidding.


Christine said...

Saltine crackers are my friends too. And how does salmonella even get into peanut butter?

I was afraid you were going to say you said something related to your mother-in-law in your poison induced state of delusion.

dizzblnd said...

Be careful what you wish for you just might get it! I hope you are feeling much better today and that it indeed was NOT salmonella poisoning. maybe it was just one of those things

Have a good Moanday!

Braja said...

Chicken karma :) Go veggie :)

Chris F. said...

I enjoy peanut butter too and have since I was a kid. I am cautious, but I'm not going to give it up either.

Candice said...

It's not cool to answer the door in your underwear these days? I really need to get with the program.

I hope you're feeling better by now.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Saltines and 7-up. The great stomach settler. Hope you are feeling better now.

Kristina P. said...

Yikes! Hope you feel better!

nikkicrumpet said...

UGH not good to feel that bad. Although isn't it amazing how good saltines taste at a time like that! Hope you feel better soon!

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

My kid eats PB out of the jar with his nasty little fingers I thought for sure that will make us sick before the samonila ever does! Glad you're feeling better!

anymommy said...

There is nothing worse than food poisoning. I am so sorry! Glad it passed quickly at least.