Saturday, January 17, 2009

A Dangerous Place

If you want a job that you take seriously with little opportunities to laugh, I don't suggest working in an elementary school. Maybe you should be a funeral director. That or work in the finance industry. As for me, I love working in the land of never-ending laughs.

Yesterday, while observing one of the speech teachers, this was the conversation I heard.

Speech Teacher: Look at this picture. Can you tell me the name of this animal?

Tinkerbell: Dats a bunny.

Speech Teacher: You are right, that is a bunny. Can you tell me another name for a bunny.

Tinkerbell: Well, some teeple call it a wabbit but in my tontry we tall it a bunny. (Interpretation - Well, some people call it a rabbit but in my country we call it a bunny.)

Speech Teacher (trying not to laugh): What country is your country?

Tinkerbell: Georgia (said with complete exasperation for the stupidity of adults).

Often, it is hard to keep a straight face. I'm still humored by the little boys who whip out their stuff to pee on the playground. It is hilarious and I sometimes feel bad for people who live to be so stuffy.

In another incident, Eeyore was brought to school by her uncle. As can happen some mornings, Eeyore was doing the Eeyore shuffle with her head hung low. When I asked if Eeyore was having a rough start (it is safe to say that Eeyore is NOT a morning person), her uncle laughed and said Eeyore was mad. Apparently, she needed a dollar for something in her class and she did not believe him when he said four quarters was a dollar. I love when *problems* are this easy to fix. A simple detour to the school secretary and a quick magic trick to turn four quarters into a dollar almost got a smile from Eeyore. And an almost smile before noon from Eeyore is about as good as it gets. She is more entertaining than an episode of the Wiggles meets the Teletubbies, for sure!

I think my favorite quote of the day came from Barbie Stickers. After air stabbing her pencil and scissors at her teacher because she didn't want to work, she made a visit to me. I tried to talk with her but Barbie Stickers just hissed at me like a cat. Since it was right at the end of the day, I took Barbie Stickers out to the car pick up line where her mother was waiting. While getting in the car, Barbie Stickers started screaming at her mother. One of the things she screamed was "School is dangerous!" This from the girl making stabbing motions at her teacher.

Don't know why, but I thought I would die laughing. Maybe it is a dangerous place after all.


only a movie said...

I can just picture the pencil and scissor stabbing motions... too freaking funny. We were just saying that we love our classroom so much because we get to laugh all day (most of the time it's in our heads). :-) happy weekend!

only a movie said...

Oooh, I just noticed that Nick Hornby's How to be Good is on your Shelfari. Did you like that book? It's on my list to re-read - I remember liking it a lot.

Ann's Rants said...

Only a movie--I LOVED How to Be Good! Beth, great post. You and Vodka Mom could do a great joint endeavor.

dizzblnd said...

I don't know how I haven't found you before you started following me (Thank you) but you are hilarious! I think elementary school teachers are saints and have the best job a stand up comic could ask for1 This post was hilarious and I don't even know the history of Eeyore and Barbie Stickers... LMAO

Beth said...

Only a movie - When you can laugh about (at least most of the time), then you know you are in the right place. And I LOVE anything by Nick Hornby. My favorite is probably A Long Way Down. Have a great weekend!

Ann - I dream of being as funny as Vodka Mom. She is the best!

dizzblnd - Thanks for the compliment. Now I need to go find that halo I misplaced.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Hi Beth! I see some of my favorite internet peeps over here, hi Movie and Ann! You and Movie could sure share some stories.

This was a great post. Made me smile and laugh several times over.

nikkicrumpet said...

She meant to finish the statement and say School is dangerous for YOU!!!

Kulio said...

Ahhh, Georgia, the Land of the Bunny, beautiful :-)

anymommy said...

I'm in awe of people who work in elementary schools. The humor, the patience, how do you find it?!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Hey, I gave you a shout out on my week end wrap up. Love your posts.

Braja said...

Wait a minute: funeral director is not funny?

Sunny said...

School is a dangerous place indeed, because one may die of laughing.

Great blog, btw, love it!

Beth said...

Pseudo - I love your friends!

Anymommy - Ah. Just spend a day in an elementary school. It really can be hilarious. When it isn't, I go home and drink.

Pseudo - You are so nice! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Braja - See, I really would think a funeral director was funny. But peeps might think I'm a morbid soul. Wouldn't it be fun to really play with the makeup (Is that eyeliner? On Grandpa?)? Or to surprise an unsuspecting soul by jumping out of a casket?

Sunny - Thanks! And welcome!