Saturday, January 3, 2009

Deliverance Country

Today, at the newest, hippest, coolest nail salon in town, there were issues. The issues were not with the actual place. Who wouldn’t be happy with awesome, purple massage chairs that are so new you can still smell the naugas that died for their cover? Or with the funky lighting in the water that ecclesiastically soothes your tired, calloused, cankered feet? Or even with the lovely water served in a stumpy wine goblet with both a slice of cucumber AND lemon?

No. The issue was with the men.

That’s right MEN in my favorite (for the moment) nail salon! They do not belong there (please note that I am all for equal rights, but really – who can respect a man who goes to a girly nail salon).

I tried to stay focused on the Sandra Bullock chick flic playing on the tv (further proof that nail salons are a place for women) but my eyes were drawn to the various guys sitting in the purple massage chairs. Much like flies to shit.

The first one was a rough looking guy. The kind of guy you’d find at your local biker bar slamming shots, throwing darts, and pushing himself onto women with big hair. He glared every time I glanced his way. I think he feared that I’d blow his cover. His secret is safe with me as part of my therapy involves staying the heck out of biker bars.

The second guy was an old man. I figured he couldn’t reach his feet any more. And possibly, he was a bit blind. He just smiled and said hello to everyone. Everyone. Even the shadows.

It was the third guy that creeped me out the most. He looked to be young enough to be cool (he wasn’t) and yet old enough to drink. He came in wearing zip up boots. My children used to wear zip up shoes back in the day before they could tie laces. But I digress. The most prominent thing about this guy (besides him getting a pedicure, may I remind you), was the huge, honking cross on his necklace. You could see it shining prominently under his colorful scarf that he'd worn despite the 70 degree temperature.

Now I’m not opposed to religion. I have fond memories of it. But I do take issue with people who feel compelled to shove it down the throats of unwilling participants.

As this guy was getting his pedicure, he asked the Vietnamese pedicurist (it is a word, I Googled it) if she was saved. Not understanding, she just smiled and nodded. While clearly, English is not her native tongue, she just may be on to something since Jebus-boy left her alone for the remainder of the pedicure.

As luck would have it, I got moved to the drying table right after he did. When he asked me where I went to church, I couldn’t bring myself to respond like the pedicurist. In the end, I decided to mimic the biker guy and I simply glared at him.

That trick works, too.


Vodka Mom said...

What next? Cats and dogs,......sleeping together????

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Interesting and yet somewhat creepy story. Downright weird. Not just three men being there, but such an odd assortment.

Thank for stopping by earlier. We could probably have quite a bit to say on some parents of dysfunctionig kids. I was going to email you directly but you have a no-reply.

I really like your blog.

Braja said...

WTF???? I'm with Vodka: cats and freakin' dogs, people. I would NOT return to a salon with men. Oh hey, my old buddy Pseudo is here too...old home week!! Nice to meet you girl...

anymommy said...

Evangelical men at the nail salon. That is just wrong.

Beth said...

Vodka Mom - What is this world coming to?

Pseudonymous - They were a motley crew. And thanks for the compliment. I like your blog, too.

Braja - Thanks for the support. It was an emotional day knowing that my fav nail salon was on the do not return list... And I love your blog. Thanks for the followship.

anymommy - Really, I could have dealt with the first two dudes. The evangelical one... he was just creepy. Hold me.

Candice said...

What's worse than men encroaching on OUR space and getting treatments at the nail salon? How about MEN doing the treatments. Some of my shittiest pedicures have been by men at the establishments that I've gone to.

I've never wanted to kick someone so hard in the nuts with wet toe nail polish and all.

Love your blog. I think I'll add you to my daily read. :)

Chris F. said...

Well we're all for equality except when equality is for others. Once upon a time, it was a scandal for women to be in saloons much less bars. But times changed. So it was only a matter of time before you would find men in a nail bar. Besides, it doesn't hurt for men to get fixed up once every few years.