Saturday, November 28, 2009

Them’s fightin’ words

shopping My mother is someone who lives to shop a big believer in all the hoopla that is known as Black Friday. Despite my need for rest after cooking, cleaning, and serving for three days, I agreed to, once again, go shopping with my mother at an ungodly hour. Because I am trying to get nominated for mother of the year, I dragged my two boys along, too.

After picking us up at 4 a.m., we soon found ourselves standing in the long line at Kohl’s just waiting to pay for our purchases and it was exciting because with a line like that, I just knew there had to be a ride at the end. When I noticed the red light blinking on my crackberry Blackberry, I looked to see what message I had. I didn’t recognize the number who’d sent me the text – and I was shocked when I read the message.

“You act all fly when you wit them hoes.”

Wha?! Immediately I knew I had to defend my mother’s honor. Frantically, I typed back.

“Don’t you be calling my momma a hoe.”

How rude! I can not believe someone would call my mother a garden instrument. She hates being outside (unless by outside you mean waiting in line to get in a store) and she does not do gardens even though she is an upstanding garden club member. But her secret is safe with me.

A couple of hours later, my phone rang – it was the number from the offensive text sender.

Me (irritated): “Hello.”

Offensive Text Sender: “Uh… hello?”

Me (even more irritated): “Yeah. Hello.”

Offensive Text Sender: “I think I’ve got the wrong number.”

So, there. I told him.

40 comments:

Jason, as himself said...

Hysterical!

I especially love this line:

"How rude! I can not believe someone would call my mother a garden instrument."

Mrs. K said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hahahahahahahahahhahaha...too funny.

otin said...

Yo, Yo! You callin' me a rake? Biotch!!!

What is more offensive? The wrong number or the butchering of the language?

Brian Miller said...

lol. way to go defending your mom...

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Wrong number texting??? Ah. How wude.

Mr. Knucklehead said...

Here's what you should have said.

"OH YEAH? WELL YOUR MAMA IS A ROTO-TILLER!"

Jaime said...

that's too funny. at least you have a good black friday story.

i don't believe in shopping on big shopping days - unless it's online. i almost got my butt kicked at the VS semi-annual sale last year...over the world's most hideous panties. i pretty much steer clear of malls whenever i can...

Amy said...

That is just so funny. I will have to remember that line..

Masala Chica said...

How you kept a sense of humor while on that Kohl's line and someone was slandering the good reputation of your mother is beyond me.

next year - amazon. They never talk smack about your family either.

only a movie said...

You went shopping at 4:30? Was it worth it?
At least the txt was some entertainment while you stood in line...

TechnoBabe said...

Such a long line there must be a ride at the end. Too funny. I am sorry I could not, would not do that for my mother. You have me beat in the good daughter contest.

Chief said...

you are so much classier than I.

I shudder to think how I would handle the situation....in fact, can I have that phone number please?

Lizzy Frizzfrock said...

This is WAY too good! I love it.
However, I must confess that 50 years ago (yes, I am that old--63) I loved going shopping with my mother, her two sisters, & my grandmother the day after Thanksgiving. We had such a good time. We shopped in Augusta, GA and as we drove down Broadway we'd say, "Momma, pray for a parking place!" Sometimes that worked.
Great story of you & your mom.

K13 said...

lmao!! too funny!! maybe you should have told them you were out wit dem hoes when they called. lol

Oh My Goddess said...

Didn't you "ax" his name?

Sande said...

... and great brownie points for defending your mum.

carma said...

Man, you opened up a big 'ole can o' whoop a$$ on that dude ;-)

bernthis said...

I swear I'd rather pay retail then get up that early and I do love to shop.

also, I thought for sure it was someone you knew just trying to be funny. LOL

CatLadyLarew said...

Garden implement... love it!

♥ Braja said...

Oh well done :)))

sun lover said...

To funny... I was also standing in line at 4 am to pay at Kohls. I think a prank text would have actually made the time go faster.

Gaston Studio said...

Oh this is just priceless Beth. Thanks for giving me a huge laugh which I really needed today!

PS: I love your mom; an honoary garden club member who doesn't garden! And I'll also keep her secret.

Carmi said...

Funniest post I've read in weeks. Saw your link on Christine/Strange Pilmgam's site and thought I'd pop by and say hi. Glad I did - though I'll need to keep an eye on my own CrackBerry from now on.

:)

Kulio said...

I LOVE that you texted him back. LOVE IT! hahaha....

Missy said...

LMAO! This is so funny!

Aunt Juicebox said...

I've never gotten any wrong number texts, but my friend did when she first got her new number and was pretty upset because it was a lot of dirty suggestions, and the texter didn't believe she wasn't who they thought she was. If that makes sense. lol

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

You sure told him! :D

Debbie said...

My goodness! I think your wrong number did not have a good Thanksgiving!

Cristin said...

I get wrong texts all the time...but nobody ever calls my mother a garden instrument.

;)

Joanna Jenkins said...

I am laughing out loud! That is a hoot.

As for Black Friday-- You are good. I've never done and probably never will. I need my sleep :-)

Have a great week.

jj

anymommy said...

You did tell him. I fear black Friday.

mo.stoneskin said...

Sorry about that, it's so easy to mistype a number.

blueviolet said...

LOL, what a hilarious message to receive as an accident!

Jan said...

ROFLMAO!

You tell 'em, Beth!

Captain Dumbass said...

You let them off easy. And Black Friday? I think I'd rather pay retail.

Bee and Rose said...

Hilarious! I am still a techie dinosaur when it comes to texting!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Too funny! I had a similar experience. The kid asked me to send him a pic of myself once we established it was the wrong number. That's when I stopped responding. LOL

I want to shop with your mom. :-) Can I go next year?

JennyMac said...

What I actually texted you was "You act all fly when U with DEM hoes."

Wendi said...

I laughed out loud @ your line.

A Free Man said...

OK, so where does 'Black Friday' come from? My family from the States was over and mentioned the term, but noone could figure out why it was 'black'. Is it mourning for the people that get trampled?