Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Lucky in something

On my resume, I have the privilege of listing that I am the district president of a state elementary principal association. Before you get all excited and start congratulating me, please realize there are only two members in my district - me and my assistant principal who was coerced into joining in hopes of a favorable evaluation.

For some reason, I joined this association last summer. Almost immediately, some powers that be began calling about the president position. I was all excited and ready to campaign until they explained only current members in the district can vote. And since there was only me and no one else to vote for, I got to add *President* to my laundry list of duties.

After listing my responsibilities which really was just to get members, I decided to take a decidedly Obama-like approach and host a meet and greet. I was even willing to kiss babies. And since people will come to a meeting when food is served, I contacted a sponsor who paid for lunch to be brought in. And I had about 30 people suckered present who pretended to listen to my presentation about this wonderful association and how they've helped me over the past couple of months and now I am SO much more professional and I even look smarter and more principally. You get the point. I laid it on thick. And how many members signed up? Just one. My own assistant principal. I am good, eh?

So, yesterday I attended a district meeting over in the other district. They were kind enough to invite me to attend and I decided to go to see what I was doing wrong so I drove way out into parts of Georgia I've never seen.

The meeting was held in a little town not even listed on a map. My husband pulled out his GPS device - from here on out referred to as "Bitching Betty" - and I plugged in the address and followed her instructions. I turned down many, many random highways with some number on the end. There were no cute names for the roads, just numbers. The roads weaved and curved for no reason other than for the fun of it. It is nice to know our Georgia founders had a sense of humor about them when planning out the roads. That or they were active participants in local moonshine drinking competitions.

And all was well with the world and Bitching Betty was pleased with my ability to follow her asinine directions until I came upon a terrible accident involving a semi-truck and an SUV. Nothing will bring the neighbors out of the woods like a BIG accident. Instead of clearly marking a detour for directional cripples or letting me just sit and gawk I was forced into turning around.

This did not please Bitching Betty as I could hear the frustration in her voice when she had to recalculate. And because apparently, she sits to the left of God, she decided to pay me back for not following her directions by sending me down some dirt roads and through a trailer park. All while needing to go potty (me, not Betty)(and you try driving down a bumpy road while holding it).

As luck would have it, I ended up right back at the accident. And the helpful citizen who made me turn around fifteen minutes earlier was not humored. Neither was Bitching Betty.

As luck would have it, I finally found the school where the meeting was being held. You would have thought Bitching Betty deserved a medal she was so excited.

It was an interesting town - the kind of town that looks like it would be full of grandmas. There was no traffic light or even a bank. The only signs of progress were the random trailers tucked between the little old-timey grandma houses. And their main industry appeared to be a taxidermy shop and deer processing plant. How nice. I'm sure I'll fit right in with these folks (seriously, they were nice).

Now I really don't know what I am doing wrong because I couldn't help but to compare meetings. My meeting was much more organized. And the food I had brought in was a full-fledged barbecue dinner. These guys brought in Chic-Fil-A boxed lunches. The barbecue alone should have gotten a couple of members.

After the meeting, I apologized to Bitching Betty. In return, she got me the hell out of there home.

Because I had way too much energy after sitting on my badonkadonk all day, I decided to do something productive. So I chose to contend with the weeds. Namely, the clover. Which made me feel a little guilty because it is getting ready to flower.

And for the first time in my life, I found a four leafed clover! On St. Patrick's Day! Actually, I found NINE four leafed clovers. They are currently being pressed for prosperity. How lucky is that (for me, not the clover)!

By the way, I bought some lottery tickets, too. If I win, I'll share.

Now I just wish I could get some of this luck to pour over into the principal association. Besides, I want to have more members than the neighboring group in Podunkville. I am a poor loser.

What's up with the lack of members?

Come join the fun with Three Boys One Mommy! She is way funnier than me. And she'd probably have a lot of principally members for her group.
What’s the Deal With That?


only a movie said...

Cool about the clover. I've driven down roads like that when I lived in S. Carolina, but even if I hadn't seen it first hand, your writing paints the picture.

Fun post. :-D

Jan said...

I've been campaigning for a GPS for years. Considering my ability to get lost in the second story of our home, you'd think someone would have given me one by now.

So, what's my share of the lottery? Hmmm?

Michel said...

You probably shouldn't have mentioned the lottery, because now I'm going to continue to demand my share and accuse you of winning and holding out on me. (I tend to think that builds rapport).

F the followers! They don't matter. You're PRESIDENT! Technically, I think you have a day in a month I can never remember.

You should think about using your powers for evil.

smiles4u said...

That's really cool about finding the 4 leaf clover on St. Patric's day...maybe luck will come your've driven down way to many roads like you speak of here in hicksville Minnesota, with small towns just like the one you were trying to find. Hope you find some members soon!

Gaston Studio said...

Boy, did that take me back to the days of having to travel southeast Georgia for a nonprofit agency. Except I didn't have a Bitching Betty (who are we kidding, this was WAY before mobile phones in the mid-70s!) Instead, my boyfriend installed a CB radio in my chic chic Celicia: "Hey good buddy, any Smokies up ahead?" and "Push the pedal to the metal, girlie!" There were all kinds of number codes for taking a pit stop, warning others about whatever, and no, I don't remember any of them.

But I so remember driving down that long stretches of back roads to get where I needed to be, with no gas stations (bathrooms) in sight! And I remember the tickets I got speeding at the end of a lot of days because I wanted so badly to get back to civilization!

Fabulous that you found so many 4 leaf clovers and that you're president of a two man organization (tee hee)but like Michel, I'm holding you to the promise of a payoff when you win the lottery.

Keep on truckin' girl!

Deb said...

Did you serve dessert? Maybe that is what was needed.

Kulio said...

Sometimes tears can help. Just a few trickling down your cheek....

Seriously, beyond food I would have NO idea what could make them sign up....unless you assigned positions? Like you dangled, "assistant president" or "secretary to the president" in front of them? :-)

Kristina P. said...

I think I need a Bitchy Betty in my life.

HeatherPride said...

A 4 leaf clover!!! I am so impressed!! I remember searching and searching and searching for those when I was a kid. To think that you just happened across it! WOW!!!

Threeboys1mommy said...

First of all, I love what you've done with the place! 2nd I thought 4 leaf clovers were a myth... I bet Ms. Poopy's poopy grows them ;-) and 3rd catering with Chic Fil-A! Are you kidding me? Losers!

Sorry the linky thing wasn't up when you came around, I'll link you up right away. Thanks so much for playing along Beth, hope you come back again.

Jen said...

I've never found a four leaf clover. How exciting!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Our GPS is called "Bitch in a Box" or Gretchen the Grouch depending upon the voice chosen. We have a love/hate relationship with her. If I were a principally, I would most definitely join your club. I love BBQ. You have sweet tea, right?

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Oh and congrats on the 4leaf clover.