Sunday, July 12, 2009

Wasting Good Air

Last night, my husband was catering for a friend's 50th birthday party. I went along for the free food and drinks to help. While I was working the room standing around, I met a retired teacher and her fat husband. She was interesting. He was weird.

Me: "You used to teach Home Ec? How cool!" My mother would have LOVED for me to have taken home economics. Instead, I took drafting and art.

Retired Teacher: "Yep. Once I told the senior girls to each bring in a chicken and I would teach them how to cut it up and cook it. Several of the girls got off the bus with a live chicken." Double points to those of you who realized that only girls took this class. What the heck?! One of the main reasons I married my husband was for his cooking skills and house cleaning abilities!

Me: "Oh, wow! What did you do?" Because what WOULD you do with live chickens running around the school?

Retired Teacher: "Well, the Ag Teacher and I showed them how to wring the necks of the chickens. And then we cleaned them and cut them up to get ready to cook them." Oh. Of course!

Fat Husband of Retired Teacher: "Kids today aren't like they used to be." Were we speaking to you, lard butt?

Me: "Well. No, they aren't. But parents aren't like they used to be either." What was I supposed to say? We weren't even talking about misbehaving students.

Retired Teacher: "Amen to that." I love when realizations bring about a religious experience.

Fat Husband of Retired Teacher: "You know when all the problems started? Back in 1964 with the Civil Rights Movement. Every thing has been downhill since then." Did he just say that aloud? Dang! How do you respond to that?

Insert awkward silence.

Me: "I think I need to go help out at the bar." Because apparently I suck at good come backs.

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In an effort to be more like my friend, Michel, I am sitting here blogging when in less than an hour I am supposed to be picking up my assistant principal to head to a conference. I haven't filled up the car with gas. And I still haven't packed or gotten dressed. See? I needed some cheesecake!

31 comments:

Mrs. K said...

Damn. I'm still thinking of a good comeback... what an arse.

otin said...

Beth, did you ever notice that in the little league world series, that the southern teams usually are all white? In the town where I live, in NC, They actually have a seperate league for the African American children, it is called the Jackie Robinson league. The weird thing is that no one seems to think that it is strange, except for me! There is still a lot of racial division!

♥ Braja said...

Well, you should hanker for cheesecake more often with no time to spare, cos this was brilliant...:))
xx

Halftime Lessons said...

Wow...sounds like Lard Butt is late for his Klan meeting.

Halftime Lessons said...

BTW, I am king of the comebacks...they come to me the following day when I am in the shower.

Em said...

I think heading to the bar was the perfect response. Either that, or the ladies room to have a good heave. What an arse.

Ignorant people often leave me speachless, no worries.

Enjoy the conference, be safe. :-)

Jules said...

1. Can you even see kids today bringing in live chickens? THAT would be a fun time.

2. How many bus drivers would be calling the office complaining about kids trying to get on the bus with a live chicken?

3. I STILL deal with parents who say stupid ass things like that. DUMBASSES!

4. Conferences in July - that's why I'm not in administration! But have fun!

Funny Girl said...

You did better than me, I may have confronted Lard Ass and asked him; just what do you mean by things have gone down hill since the civil rights movement? I might have put him on the spot to watch him squirm out it.

I have a story to tell about racisim and would love to post it, but it involves family members and it is so painful....

dizzblnd said...

What an idiot FAH is! Who says crap like that?

I hope you get your cheesecake AND to the conference in time.

darsden said...

dang can't believe he said something like that it's 2009 people...YOU need Michel on speed dial so you can get some verbal flip off from her! I am sure you had a look about heading to the bar...lol

followthatdog said...

I think a swift kick to his junk would have been a pretty good comeback. Wow.

lakeviewer said...

You have to forgive the adults; they grew up in the dark ages.

TechnoBabe said...

How do you tell an ignorant person that what they just said was unenlightened, prejudiced, and no one gives a rats ass what he has to say anyway!

Captain Dumbass said...

Wow. I don't know that I'd have a comeback either. Those things just hit you from so far out of left field that you're too stunned to respond.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

But do you have your passport?

I'm terrible at comebacks too. I can usually come up with one in about 3 days. That of course doesn't help.

At least the food was good, right?

The Nice One said...

Now, if my mother-in-law was a home ec teacher, I may have said, "Oh, I see you met my father-in-law last night" because that's something he may say, just out of pure stupidity.

only a movie said...

Wow. That is painful. I would have walked away too, and wished I had said something. Bigotry is my least favorite kind of asshattery...

Also, I love cheesecake. Have fun at the conference, if fun can be had...

xxoo

Kristina P. said...

I think a good punch in the face would have been warranted.

Candice said...

I think my comeback would have been my jaw hanging wide open.

Wow!

So glad he's retired.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I wish I could tell you what you should have said. I have sat her for at least a minute and I've got nothing.

I'm happy Movie was able to work in the word asshattery though.

He is an ass. His poor wife. Maybe she should wringhis neck instead of the chicken...

Have a great conference Beth!

Midwest Mommy said...

Um, I think I would have been totally shocked too! Darn it for not so quick comebacks, lol

michelle said...

My sister came up with a really good comeback in situations like that. She responds, "Did you just say....?" and repeats the wackiness. And raises an eyebrow. Most of the time the offender realizes the blunder and stumbles over explanations and apologies. And you can just stand there with a little smile and say "hmmm", then go to the bar for that drink. You don't feel too confrontational, but you're not wishing for a good comeback the next day either.

Jan said...

Oh, he did NOT say that! NO, he didn't! Did he? Good gawd.

Cheesecake. Gooooooood. (It's Monday morning and I'm having trouble being coherent...)

Debbie said...

I think you reacted in the only reasonable way. It was best that you just walked away. I am doubting you could say anything he would even hear!

Kulio said...

I think that was the PERFECT response.

Missy said...

Live chickens? That is so funny! Love it!

beth said...

wow to the husband's remark. who says that kind of stuff?! especially to strangers. and umm...live chickens?!?! holy crap!

anymommy said...

I need cheesecake after that guy.

Michel said...

HOLY SHIT! You can't say that out loud!!! Hell, you're not even supposed to think that anymore...because WHY WOULD YOU!? My God! How did you manage not to punch him in the face and/or fake a spilling accident.

At a minimum I would have turned the crowd against him - that's how I roll. Vindictive-like...

I'm glad you are following in my wise wise ways. I hope it didn't kick your ass like it frequently does mine!!!

Gaston Studio said...

What rock has he been under! I'm sure I would have said something all right but it would have just plain nasty and not all clever and stuff. Also need lessons from Michel.

P.S. Otin is right. Something terribly wrong with this area of NC.

Cat said...

Cheesecake truly does solve most of life's problems. I like to blame all of those problems on the gays because it's so passe to blame the civil right movement anymore.