Sunday, March 14, 2010

Suddenly silent

It is never good news when the phone rings in the wee hours of the morning piercing the subconscious, wringing the soul in preparation for the changes to follow.
“I’ve got bad news.”
My husband’s mother has been failing in health over the past years.  A little over a year ago, we moved her into a full-care, assisted living arrangement.  From there, the decline has been like a free-fall.
Each visit, each phone call brought us closer and closer to the inevitable.
“At least, in the end, she knew who we were.”
Memory is a funny thing.  When it fails you, it can keep you in a grand, make-believe world where life is happy and good.  Her reality may have been a fantasy, but at least in her mind, she was happy and content.
“If she’d known she was in the state she was in, she’d have wanted to pass years ago.”
Over the years, I prayed for her comfort and I prayed for her to pass quietly in her sleep.  For several years, she had let go of her role as a mother.  A child-like replica stood in her place.
We will miss you, Mom.  We already have.

44 comments:

Em said...

Oh Beth, I'm so very sorry for your family's loss - today's and the one that happened way before this phone call arrived.

Prayers of peace. E

sAm said...

My condolences - thoughts and prayers are with your family.

TechnoBabe said...

I don't have a house phone, just cell phone and I turn it off in the evening. Everyone knows that about me and accept it. I have had enough startling news and traumas and cannot deal with them in the evening. You sound so sweet describing your mother-in-law and how blessed she has been the past few years in her make believe world. That will be all of us some day if we live that long and I like to think we will have people loving us still and happy for our little time of free spirit here. Very nice post and I send my deepest condolences to your husband.

ChiTown Girl said...

My condolences to you, your husband and your family.

otin said...

I am very sorry for your loss.

It seems that memory loss is much harder on the people left in its wake than it is on the person themselves. I am sure that she is at peace.

SheilaC said...

I am sorry for your loss....

My prayers are for you and your family.

SheilaC

Brian Miller said...

so sorry to hear about your lass beth...thoughts and prayers for you and the fam...

d. moll, l.ac. said...

So sorry....been there done that, still doing that....personally I've developed a fear of the phone. Hugs to you and the fam, Miss Poopy too.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Beth, I'm so sorry.

Michele said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your lost.

Cristin said...

Awwwww. Happy to hear that she spent her last years in a happy place.

Peace to you and your family.

only a movie said...

Lots of love to you and Mr. Strong and your family. xo

gayle said...

So sorry to hear of your loss!!

♥ Braja said...

So sad to hear...all the details that make up a life which lands in your room one last time before it departs....love to you, B....xo

K13 said...

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that.

Kristina P. said...

Beth, I am so sorry. My thoughts are with your family. I'm sure she was a wonderful woman.

sherri said...

very sad news, I hope hold memories of your mother-in-law when she was a bit brighter in your minds today. best to you and your family, so sorry.

jordiegirl said...

So sorry to hear your sad news - all the best to you and yours.

I hate it when the phone rings at a very late hour as you know friends/family don't ring you at that hour unless it's important.

At the moment I'm waiting for a phone call to say my great nephew has arrived - he's due tomorrow - but every time the phone rings or my mobile beeps I expect it to be news of his arrival. Having said that, my own son didn't arrive when expected, in fact he had to be induced and instead of arriving on 12 May he popped out on 24 May.

I know my niece is getting fed up of waiting for him to appear now.

Enchanted Oak said...

I know what you mean about the child replica that replaced your mother in law. That is my mom, too. She sometimes knows her mind is fast failing, and that is a source of frustration. Fortunately, she doesn't realize what she has lost most of the time. I understand your prayers that Mom be allowed to pass in her sleep. It's mine too.

lakeviewer said...

Not an easy thing to accept, failing health and failing memory. Youth has to be brave and conscientious, giving all they can to keep the aged in dignity and comfort; but also, to be brave and conscientious toward their own needs. A good balance.

Herding Cats said...

I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts. I'm so sorry. :(

Jaime said...

oh beth. i'm so very sorry for your loss.

Megan said...

so sorry. hugs.

Elisa said...

My Father died 2 years ago this Wednesday on St.patrick's Day. He had dealt with Alzheimer's for 10 years, so he started fairly young. He knew he had it and would often cry about losing his memory. In the end he of course didn't know anything but what memorys were running through his mind.
I want to think he knew it was me in the end rubbing his arm and telling him I loved him. He would say "I love you too honey" which was what he always said to me. The other posters are right, it is so much harder for the ones left behind.But he went to a better place and so did your mother in law.The best thing we can do is not to let them be forgotten.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Oh Beth I am so sorry for your family's loss. Love and {{{{HUGS}}}}

Kulio said...

So sorry for your loss!

Jason, as himself said...

It is such a long difficult process. We're in the midst of it right now, too.

At least she was happy, in her own mind. I suppose there are worse ways to go.

But still.

I'm sorry.

followthatdog said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My name is PJ. said...

Beth, I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

Jan said...

Oh, honey. I'm so sorry.

AmyLK said...

So sorry for your loss.

sharonheg said...

I'm just a lurker and a relatively new one at that, but I just wanted to offer my sincerest condolences.

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

Sorry to hear about your loss, Beth. Hang in there.

Paula said...

To have such gratitude despite witnessing the decline of her mind and body, she must have been a wonderful mother and friend, Beth.

ArtSnark said...

sending hugs & prayers to you & your family

darsden said...

Beth I am so sorry, many prayers to you and your family. (((hugs)))

Jules said...

I'm VERY sorry for your loss!!!!!!!

carma said...

sorry to hear this :-( sounds like you were lucky to have her in your lives for whatever time you did...

Kharma said...

Losing the person physically is less painful then walking into the room and realizing your mother has no idea who you are. I am sorry for you loss.

Michel said...

oh Beth! I'm so sorry for your loss. God Bless you guys!

Chief said...

My thoughts are with you and your family...

Its still difficult even when it is expected..

AmandaK said...

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Fragrant Liar said...

Beth, I'm so sorry for your family's loss. May your favorite memories of her bring you comfort.

AmandaK said...

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Enjoy Mother-Blogger!