I work in an elementary school. It is what I do
for giggles and craps. And there are many, many lessons to be learned each day.
- Don’t use a sharp instrument to make fang marks on your leg then scare the school nurse by claiming the injury to be a snake bite.
- If you really do want to go with the snake bite routine, be sure to do some research. A bite with fang marks one inch apart could not have been inflicted by a 6 inch snake. And “I don’t remember” isn’t a good answer to what color was the little, tiny snake when it slithered away.
- Don’t try to fool medical professionals in a Oscar-worthy showdown to get out of school for a few days. The IV and blood work alone make this a bad idea.
- Don’t bypass the office when at your child’s school and then yell and intimidate your child’s teacher in the hallway in front of other children and adults.
- After receiving the letter that bans you from your child’s school, don’t call and harass the principal.
- Don’t kick the teacher after being told to get your hands off your neighbor’s snack.
- Don’t scream “shut the f- up” in the lunchroom when the last ‘your momma’ joke pisses you off.
- Don’t call the principal and tell her that your child has a right to be upset and that sometimes a bad word “just slips out.”
- Don’t complain about a fellow teacher not having patience with a child then turn around and expect someone to feel sorry for you because of *this* particular child. Patience is patience. Grow some.
- Students should not hand out their *special* vitamin to other students.
For the record, they didn’t teach any of this when I was in college.