Sunday, October 18, 2009

Thoughts while running

It’s cold. Hope the cheap gloves are warm enough. Wow. It really warmed up. Let’s toss the gloves into this driveway. Hasn’t it been 5 minutes yet? Ugh. I’m not sure I can do this for an hour. Yay! I made it 5 minutes. Only 55 to go. Focus. On something besides running.

Spanish mission architecture. Colonial homes. God, I love the south. Blue skies. Magnolias. Big oaks. Spanish moss. Crap. Did the Spanish Moss touch me? I hope I didn’t get any chiggers. Note to self: Get clear fingernail polish to get rid of chigger infestation. Also, need to get manicure. And pedicure.

Sprinkler system. Magnolia leaves. Slippery as owl crap. Almost fell. Sidewalk uneven. Grass is, too. Puddle. Jump. Almost made it. Squish. I don’t know if I can make it. I’m just pretending to be a runner. Think about something. Anything. Good song. Don’t Let Me Down. Love the Beatles. Still. Remember when Mr. Happy was one? And knew the names of the Beatles? And he liked the word rhododendrons. Rhododendrons. Cool word. Better than azalea.

How much longer? Halfway? I can do this. I think I can. Donut shop. Closed today. Lunch? Maybe a salad. Or soup. And grilled cheese. With ketchup. Wrong to think about food while running. No wonder I don’t lose weight. Pink ribbons. Signs. Save the tatas. Funny. C in high school. B after having babies. A after running. Not fair. No one saved my tatas. Wish it were my rump that shrunk.

How much longer? Did the timer mess up? 15 more minutes? Think about something. Passed someone. With a Mountain Dew. Thirsty. Cars. Refocus. The cars. Not me. Cemetery. Old one. Thoughts of my father. Remember when he went through the health phase? With the bicycles? Sister still can’t ride a bike. She’s been talking to me more lately. Maybe things are better. Looking forward to Thanksgiving. Pumpkin cheesecake. Cranberry bars. Stop it. Quit thinking about food.

Uh oh. Dog. Mangy. Barking. Heart racing. Chasing. Screaming. Need pepper spray. What good are leash laws? Wish I could take Miss Poopy for a run. Poor, gimpy dog. How much longer? I hate the voice in my iPod. She is mean. She taunts. She can’t tell time. Slow. Backwards. I. Don’t. Think. I. Can. Do. This.

Five more minutes? I can do this. I can make it. Dyin’ To Get Home. Perfect song. Really. Just around the block. Blue skies. Cool breeze.

I did it!

So. When will I feel like a real runner?

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38 comments:

otin said...

Sounds like you need therapy more than a jog! LMAO!! Just kidding! I think about food all the time also, even when I do the strenuous exercise of typing!

Brian Miller said...

lol. you capture the torture of running so well...or any exercise...maybe one day! ha.

only a movie said...

I am so impressed that you can run for an hour. I can walk for hours on end, but can't run for more than a few minutes w/out dying.
You are stronger than you give yourself credit for!

Not The Rockefellers said...

This was hysterical...and Beth that is me every morning on the treadmill.
Except I have the TV to make wisecracks at :)

Peace - rene

Em said...

Sixty minutes!? Color me impressed. I think that earns you at least two slices of pumpkin cheesecake.

That thinking keeps me at my current size as well. And seriously, what's up with the tatas getting smaller baloney? Feet get bigger with every baby, but the girls get smaller - come on!

Thanks for the jog down memory lane. Lord how I miss the South.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I've got no answers since I can't run ........yet but you sound like a runner to me. Thanks for taking us with you on your run. It was fun.

rxBambi said...

That was actually pretty good. I'm up to about 25 minutes, but only on my good days. Havne't done anything lately because I am a slacker, and I can totally feel it in my butt. I know that my body can keep going, it's my mind that gets me every time. Running is 95% mental I think. Thanks for sharing what you think about!

The Things We Carried said...

I thnk you have been in my head when I used to run! OH MY Gosh, do I recognize this!

TechnoBabe said...

Well, that's it for me, that was enough exercise for me, now I'm off to make a grilled cheese with ketchup.
Wanna run a little longer next time, I could use a little more exercise. Just sayin'.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Girl, that is awesome! I like going along with you on your runs...I get to enjoy it vicariously!

Are you taking pix on your runs, too? I love the one on your header.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

First of all, I am with Movie and equally impressed. Can walk all day, but I can only run a few minutes before I walk again.

I love Spanish moss...

and, what is a chigger?

Midwest Mommy said...

I so want to run and love it but it just hasn't happened yet. Ugh!

sAm said...

At 50 minutes you should feel like a real runner!! Nice job. You missed some of my most prevalent thoughts when I'm running..."am I dying? I think my heart may be going too fast. And I can't catch my breath. What happens if I can't make it back? If I were to fall down right now who would save me? Why in the world do I do this, again?"...those are the thoughts I have. It's the thoughts AFTER the run I love!!

K13 said...

Well you are more of a runner than me...I've been a slacker and I have a 5K next Saturday...the Komen.

I see you got the Nike+ girl going on - love it!!!

Optimistic Pessimist said...

ha ha! i can SO relate! I'm the exact same way. you can probably only imagine the things that come out when you're running with someone. if you really want to get to know someone, run with them...a lot!

Congrats on running an hour. That's no easy feet!

blueviolet said...

If you ran for 60 minutes, I'd say you ARE a real runner!

But, that was so funny to hear all of those random thought patterns! :)

Beth said...

Otin - You aren't the first to recommend therapy. :)

Brian - The more I run, the more I like it. Or so I'm trying to convince myself.

Movie - Honestly, I still can't believe I did it.

Rene - I like talking to the TV, too. It can be therapeutic.

Em - The girls did get smaller and I just don't think that is fair. I'm glad I'm not alone.

Smart Mouth - You are too kind.

rxBambi - It takes time to build up time. Some days, I think I've got it. Others, no so much. Definitely a mental thing!

The Things We Carried - You just validated all my weird feelings. Thanks!

TechnoBabe - That grilled cheese with ketchup was fabulous, eh?

Janie - Glad you enjoyed it. I find things I want to take pictures of and then go back.

Pseudo - A chigger lives in Spanish Moss and is a bug that literally gets under your skin and lives there. Gross! The fingernail polish suffocates them. We have loads of bugs in the south.

Midwest Mommy - Keep trying. Lately, I've really begun to love running.

sAm - I still feel like I'm pretending. I do have your thoughts. Mostly when the weather is humid and suffocating.

K13 - I copied the Nike idea from you! You are going to do great in the Komen. I wish I could run it with you. We'll be at a wedding. My next race is on Halloween. Spooky!

Beth said...

Optimistic - Look! A squirrel. Seriously, I do wish I hd a running partner.

blueviolet - I still feel like I'm playing the part of a runner. I keep wondering when it will feel official.

Kulio said...

surprise. you are a runner.

bernthis said...

exactly, you are a runner. YOu ran, that makes you a runner

Michel said...

OMG! That is hysterical!! Back in the day, when I used to run, I would think similar things - only more food. And mostly trying to figure out how far I would have to run to eat a cupcake (or three).

That was awesome post!

Christine Gram said...

I went through this. I don't think I felt like a real runner until after about a month of running 3x per week. It's not that far off. Keep kicking ass! It get's more fun (well, just 10 minutes of hell, then the next 50 actually seems like fun).

Gaston Studio said...

Could never run because of a bad back and weak ankles. Seriously! But if I did, these would be my own thoughts exactly!

So glad you and your sister are talking again, something about getting older, me thinks.

Good on you Beth, for making yourself over into a runner!

Kristi Stevens said...

I loved this. I.HATE.TO.RUN.

Do you really love the South? I wish I felt that way about it, but just when I get kind of okay with it some Redneck reminds me of why I've never liked it much.

No one saved my tatas either. Unfortunately, when they took my tatas away, they left the skin they used to be in. My daughter wants to know if her boobs will be "long" like mine someday. I assured her that "yes" they most certainly would.

I love the blog. I'll be back.

Best,
K

Hit 40 said...

I have got to get out for some fresh air this weekend. The temp is suppose to get over 50!! Last weekend was brutal cold for a fall day in Ohio.

Great work!!

Jan said...

Good grief, woman - give yourself some credit! You ran for ONE WHOLE HOUR. I'm lucky if I can walk up the stairs to our second floor.

Of course, that could just be an excuse not to go up there, since the only person who lives up there is The Young One.

14-year-old boy. Ewwwwwwww.

sun lover said...

And just when I was thinking about starting to run again you reminded me of exactly why I quit. The mental conversations I would have with myself right now would not be near as funny as yours.

Love your photos. They remind me of the sunshine and I think it has been weeks since I've seen it.

I think I will live vicariously though you while you run and to return the favor to you, I let you live vicariously though me every night during dessert. Deal? :)

followthatdog said...

I have not run in ages. Will not again, unless I am being chased. love your post.

♥ Braja said...

Ugh...I'm exhausted....

Oh My Goddess said...

I love when we go running together!

PS
Spanish moss is the best!

Michele said...

I wish I could be a runner but alas I am too lazy. My motto is; "only run when chased".

sherri said...

high five. amazing you ran for an hour. I can NOT imagine. Loved this post!

Deb said...

hmm... spanish moss makes me think of my mom. she uses it for everything and always drags me along to help her steal it from the trees.

you need to get one of those doggy jog strollers for ms. poopy.

Susan Berlien (warmchocmilk) said...

Are you inside my head when I go for a jog! How did you get in there!!!

Andrea (ace1028) said...

I LOVED this post! I can't even pretend to imagine HOW to run, let alone what I'd think of while doing so, but food sounds right to me. And I also love pumpkin cheesecake! ;)

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

These thoughts made me laugh. I hated running so much! I ran like a crazy person so that I would look svelt on my wedding day. I haven't run in 16 years. LOL.

Keep on going....and run a few for me!

Chief said...

see this is the deal...I would not be having any thoughts while I was running...my mind would be blank and I would be seeing stars! I admire anyone who can do it, seriously!

Fiona Picklebottom said...

That are sounds perfectly normal to me. Interspersed with "why am I doing this again, oh yeah - so I can eat more, ok then it might be worth it, how MUCH more could this torture be worth, etc..."